Never say Sayonara

Never say ‘Sayonara’

     But Asha Parekh said so in the movie, ‘Evening in Paris’ teasing the much awaiting Joy Mukherji, while sexy Sam (Amitabh Bachchan) never said it in the movie, ‘Kabhie Alvida Naa Kehna’.

     They are the characters not just of a movie but of our daily life. The character of sexy Sam brings a smile on every face. Not because he is dating so many girls or having a gala time. But because he also shows his relativity to life.

What life is and how it should be lived. His acceptance of being an out and out flirt disappoints people but he confides his dedication and love or his wife, whom he had lost. He was trying to relive without her as he missed her in every moment of loneliness. He missed her company, her love, her care and concern for him and her tremendous support at every difficult step of life, which had made him what he was. They were the pillars of a relationship and that was exactly what he saw missing in his son’s married life.

     Movies do not merely depict artificial characters but they do bring alive one’s hidden qualities that may not be seen by the world, but are dormant in one’s subconscious. Bringing them to the fore enhances the awareness and reality that are required to understand an otherwise confused life.

     Sam confesses that he has had many women in his life, but that was after his wife’s death. He had never been unfaithful to her, never betrayed her or hurt her in any circumstances. He accepts life in a different way because his wife wanted him to be happy even in her absence. And may be she was wise enough to know the side effects of a suppressed libido. Men by nature are more physically satisfied, while women are emotionally satisfied. And Sexy Sam’s wife did not want her handsome, wise, dedicated husband to turn into a frustrated, unsatisfied and schizophrenic man after her death. Hence, she wished to see him happy ever after her. And that was what exactly a dedicated husband did. Bringing out a jovial, happy-go-lucky person in the guise of Uncle Sam. Who never ran away from his duties and his responsibilities. Who brought up his only son being a father and a mother. Living life with zest, weaving each fiber of relationship carefully.

     He never said, ‘Sayonara’ or ‘Alvida’ to life.

Accepting it all along with all his sorrows and with grace.

The Valentine Story

The Valentine Story.

One morning in the early days of February, with the Valentine Day discussion in the air, I asked my teenaged daughter, “What is the meaning of Valentine? Why is it celebrated?” Pat came the reply, “What mummy you don’t know Valentine day, having done a love marriage?”

It was an amusing comment and it made me laugh seeing the skeptical and stupefied look in her eyes. I told her that there was nothing as such during our times in India. In 80’s we had never ever heard of it in school or college.  But her comment did make me give a thought to it and I tried to find out the actual history and the reason for the celebration of Valentines Day.

Every February, cross the country, candy, flowers, gifts, cards, etc. are exchanged between loved ones, in the name of St. Valentine. The history of Valentines Day and its patron saint is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine Day contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.

According to one legend, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made soldier than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men, his soldiers. Valentine’s action were discovered, Claudius ordered his death. Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prison where they were often beaten and tortured.

Valentine actually sent the first ‘Valentine’ greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that he fell in love with a young girl who had been his jailor’s daughter, who visited him during confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote a letter, which he signed as ‘From your Valentine.’ An expression that is still in use.

Although the truth behind the valentine legend is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic and most importantly a romantic figure. It is no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France. The other story suggests that Saint Valentine’s Day pm the 14^th February is named after a Christian martyr of the Roman period. It is believed that there were two prominent martyrs whose feasts were celebrated on this day. One was the priest who died at Rome, and other a Christian Bishop, St. Valentine of Terni. They seem to have died on the same day and to have been buried at different places along the Flaminian Way. But Valentine Day is more associated with St. Valentine. Valentine Day has been dedicated to lovers, since the 14^th century. This day was observed by young men and women, by sending messages and gifts to their lovers. People also commonly used the motif of the red heart. One tradition ascribes this custom of sending ‘valentines’ or love tokens to one’s beloved on the old Roman February feast called Lupercalia, at which young men and maidens drew partners by casting lots for the coming February feast. It was only later associated with the name of Bishop, Saint Valentine.

In the past, Saint Valentine Eve was celebrated according to a special custom. On the eve before Valentine’s Day maids and bachelors would throw billets with their names on it into a receptacle and then draw from it, the name of someone from the opposite sex. The person whose name was drawn would become for the year following the ‘Valentine’, the chosen one’s companion or sweetheart. Gradually, the custom became more personalized and the actual declaration of love came into vogue.

The custom of Valentine Day was eulogized by the poets and eminent writers too. John Lydgate, in the 14^th century composed a Valentine rhyme in praise of Henry VIII’s wife, Catherine. Ophelia in Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’, pours her heart out as a Valentine. In a course of time, before 1880, books pertaining to Valentine Day were published, including Young man’s Valentine Writer, ‘The Beauties of Hymen’ and ‘The Quiver of Love’.

Since 1667 Valentines used handmade boxes of lace and paper with colored designs. They are adorned with frills and inscriptions pf passionate words of love according to the sender’s imagination and creativity. Prior to 1914, most Valentines sent in America were imported from Europe. It was only during World War I, that American publishing companies came into existence. They imparted thoughts of friendliness and affection.

At present times, the custom of sending Valentines has extended beyond lovers and Valentines are exchanged between parents and children, husband and wives and between friends expressing their everlasting bond of love.

The concept was acknowledged in India probably in 1990’s. Till then it was a mute topic. Slowly it gained popularity to a stage where today’s youngsters believe it to be the greatest celebration of the Year. Everyone form Kashmir to Kanyakumari goes on Valentining, even if they do not know to spell the word.

There is nothing wrong or against any expression of love, but, is love something to be taken out, aired and flaunted on one particular day in a year? With an overdose of heart shaped chocolates, cakes and cookies, roses and more roses, it is a superficial act of youngsters. What happens to the pure, unconditional love throughout the year?

          It creates a fanciful expectation of being in love and living happily ever after. A very rose-tinted view like this can cause our future generation to become extremely disillusioned in real life later on. Their thoughts revolve round it to an extent that they end up feeling worthless if they do not have a Valentine or Valentine gift. The expression of love has actually degenerated to counting material gifts one’s loved one has presented on one day of the year.

Love has changed to a packet of pink cellophane, red plastic hearts, tacky balloons, freaky bad poetry on cards and giant teddy bears. People criticize it in India as a feast of Western culture, but if so then why the uncles and aunties of Gujarat and Rajasthan, the Pajis and Pundits celebrate it? If it is not a Western Culture, why are the Romeo and Juliets, Lailas and Majnus not allowed to freely intervene and express love by exchanging gifts and roses?

On the whole, Valentines Day has become a mocking idea of love, a universal joke that can only make one chuckle on human frailty. It is a source of making megabuck by multinationals.