Habits Die Hard.

Habits die hard.

What is a habit? How does it form?

When an action is done repeatedly it forms into a habit. Habit is an established practice of doing something. It is a tendency to act in a particular way. Habits have a powerful effect on thoughts and actions. It can be called a second nature of individuals.

As is our nature difficult to change, so also are habits difficult to change. People generally think how and why did they develop certain habits that make them feel ashamed of  or when they unknowingly develop certain habits and get addicted to them.

Habits are not formed instantly. They are developed over a gradual process in a certain period of time, which begins either from childhood or from a phase of difficult period in life. People try to find solace or peace through these habits. The habits developed in childhood may be due to observation and emulation of their surrounding. Parents play a major role in forming habits in children. They may be physical or mental habits developed by imitating their elders. If elders are soft spoken and polite the child will imitate and learn the same, a rude loud behaviour will similarly be inculcated in the tender mind. Habits are highly influenced by the environment when the child is young. Similarly, a person in adolescence or mature age falls prey to the habit of drugs, alcohol, tranquilizers, etc. to avoid tension. But they do not realize that these habits are temporary alternatives as they give them an elated feeling for a limited period of time. In reality it only drags the person into addiction and deterioration of health. Forming good habits requires firm determination, whereas forming bad habits is quite easy and tempting. It is very difficult to get rid of bad habits once they are formed.

Habits come to us as slaves and stay back with us as Masters. They influence our character. Because character is a collection of habits. Good habits form good character, bad habits form bad character. It is well said,                             “Sow a thought, and reap an act,

 Sow an act and you reap a habit,

 Sow a habit and you reap a character,   

 Sow a character and you reap a destiny.”

When a child is not restricted from bad behavior, it develops into a habit. Telling lies, abusing, stealing, etc. these traits are not inborn, but they are developed with every passing day knowingly or unknowingly. When these traits are neglected or overlooked they form regular habits. When they become habits, they become ways of life. The individual finds nothing wrong in it. He tries and succeeds in every possible way to justify his lie, one leading to another. So also are the habits which comprise the entire behavioral pattern of a person. Curbing and controlling these habits can help to change the person. It can help to build a different character. But, as is known, changing habits is easier in the initial years, at the matured stage it requires determination and mental power. At the hyper stage it requires medical and psychoanalytic help to change them completely.

Psychotherapy has proved to be of great help to change mental habits as it treats the person after knowing the root cause of the habits formed. To discard the bad habits and adopt the good ones, to decide the future to be good or bad, everything depends on the inclination of a person. Whether it is towards a peaceful and blissful life or whether it is towards a life full of problems and distress.  When we try to find the solution, then the direction of life changes. If we complicate the problems then the complexities of life keep on multiplying infinitely.

One needs to reform attitudes, conduct and behaviour to be a better person because, according to a Chinese proverb, “There are two perfect men, one dead and the other unborn.”

       Anger is another habit that is difficult to control. It needs transformation of mental habits. Relaxation, concentration, meditation, etc. which teaches or tames the mind to keep cool and collected, to control the anger and to resist aggression. 

     Habits are of two types. Physical habits and Mental habits. Mental strength can help to overcome physical habits, but mental habits are much more difficult to control. The mind always helps to overcome physical tendencies that have developed over a long duration like smoking, drinking, etc. Whereas to overcome mental habits flexibility of mind is necessary or else one confronts great difficulties in life.                                            

     Plutonius has explained the thought in a very interesting way of how patience and perseverance helps to overcome habits. He said, “Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of statue that is to be made beautiful. He cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes thin line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work.”

     Thought habits are developed personally. They affect all the people around that person. Whether a lie or anger, whether stealing or cheating, these habits indirectly makes the surrounding dull and unhappy. It directly results in the person’s dissatisfaction over himself. His own behaviour makes him unable to gain peace of mind. After a certain period he becomes unaware of what he says or does. Unruly boasting, praising only himself, thinking himself to be the best and others to be worthless. All his actions make him totally self-centered. He can think of himself and only himself. He can go to any extent to justify himself. This becomes the ultimate goal of his life and he tries every possible way to maintain his ego.

      “From anger, delusion arises, and from delusion, bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost, one falls down again into the material pool.” -------- Bhagvad Gita. 

      Habits therefore are the stepping stones of ones entire character or life. The character which is formed by habits and that life which is lived by habits. These habits either ruin life or make it. It is here that we must pay our attention to know that habit formation has such an important role in life. It should not be overlooked while bringing up a child, when nurturing a family, in relationships and in society. Because habits form personalities.

       It is only due to the habits that kings have lost their kingdoms, rulers lost their reign. Rich have become poor and the poor have lived a pathetic life. Habits though a fundamental thing or quality can overturn life completely.

      To sustain habit for a lifetime or to curb it in time is only in ones own hands. No external body can help in overcoming it. The phrase, “Habits Die Hard” very well justifies it.

Education inevitable

Education Inevitable!

“Acquire knowledge. It enables its possessor to distinguish between right and wrong. It lights the way to heaven, it is our friend in desert, our society in solitude, our companion when friendless, it  guides us to happiness, it sustains us in misery, it is an ornament among friends and an armour against enemies.”                         ------- Prophet Mohammed.

     The question naturally arises, why do we educate our children?  But lately, this question has stopped arising in our minds. As we have become part of the rat race. It is said that education is inevitable in the present age and it is believed to be inevitable without understanding its basic meaning, its importance. It has made us to pester and nag our children and continuously torture them mentally in the name of education.

     What is education?

     It is a natural process of learning. When a child is born, he/she is not taught to cry, he does it on its own through natural impulse. As the child grows up uttering words that he hears around him. He learns them not by teaching but by the natural process of hearing and trying to imitate.

     A bird teaches its young one to fly, a lion teaches its cub to hunt for prey. But man is above all animals and therefore he has learnt to teach his offspring not only the tricks of survival but also the real values of life. Observations and grasping power gives the child the knowledge of innumerable things around him, emotions and actions. The process of imparting knowledge to children does not begin in the school, it starts from the very first year of the child. As he grows, it becomes the responsibility of the parents and the family to give the child, ‘the gospels of life.’ Those teachings that will mould his character and personality, that no school or university can give.  The academic education only adds layers of burden on the child’s shoulders. Simultaneously it becomes necessary to cope with this burden in order to survive in this competitive world. It is at home that they learn the qualities of patience, perseverance, determination, dedication and morality.

     Modern education has changed considerably from the ancient education systems. The teaching and learning process has become more of a monotonous task rather than a creative, motivating concept, which it should actually be. The colours of the rainbow are not seen in the sky but in the books.

“It is the supreme art of the teacher, to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.”                      ----- Albert Einstein.

     We never try to find an answer to the question, why do we educate our children? What is our motive? Is it status in society, proper upbringing of the child, source for future income, part of the wild run, what exactly is our intention? When we have the answer to this, we will have a clear picture of why we are educating our children. It will make us more considerate and will help in making our child’s future successful. Because that knowledge is superficial which remains only on the tongue. The intrinsic merit and value of knowledge is known when you act up to it. 

     Knowledge brings wisdom, patience, deep thinking and understanding power, broader outlook, without which human life lived in limitations and conservatism. Ignorance will curb his progress, his overall development and make him marginalized.  Education enables expression of thoughts, ideas and opinions. He will be able to differentiate between rational and irrational thoughts.

     For a capable society we need capable individuals. Education encourages change. Change is inevitable in modern times, to keep the self abreast of the surroundings. To learn to change is the highest form of gaining knowledge.

     To gain knowledge is to educate with this importance of change. And that is why we educate our children. We want them to walk with the time, to be compatible, to take day to day challenges with courage and be successful, to live a life of dreams that come true through hard work and knowledge.

This knowledge cannot be purchased from universities with money. Its breadth and depth can be acquired only by our efforts.

     Education is therefore, considered to be a lifetime process. Throughout life, individuals need to keep on learning different aspects of life. But the modern generation loses interest in learning in their youth. How can it be carried out for a lifetime? It is their weak foundation years of academic achievements that make them turn away from any and every type of learning. Life becomes a miserable burden for them.  As James Melosh has very well said,

“The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think.”

     The present academic systems have encouraged commercialization of education. Crèches, playschool, kindergarten, activity classes, primary, secondary, language classes-- English, French, German, Spanish, Arabic, Sanskrit. Exactly what? What the neighbour’s child learns? Which language? Which is in vogue with the society children? Is it French because it is in fashion, or is it Spanish because it appears more elite? The family background may be a Gujarati, Hindi, Marathi or any regional language, minus English. The plight of the child can only be imaginable. Hobby classes, sports, dance classes, martial arts, the list is inexhaustible. Secondary, graduation, masters, doctorate, the unending process for the mentally tired youth. One thing after the other. Where is the space and time to understand and absorb thoughts and ideas?

     A young mind is like is like a sponge that absorbs water. Thoughts sown in these tender minds will enable them to make decisions and solve problems in life. Due to loathsome tedious teaching in schools more and more students are dropping out of schools. Monotony has made children turn into human robots that work only on a given programme. No likes, dislikes, no thoughts, no feelings. We should not forget that education is culture that encourages continuous progress, enables man to reach greater heights.

     Studies without purpose makes a child irresponsible, confused and lacking concentration, losing confidence in the self.  Frequent failures make them aggressive, frustrated, stubborn and arrogant. The innocence and curiosity of a tender mind is no where to be found. 

     A happy, peaceful and encouraging environment with a positive attitude can help to bring up children in a better way with an affinity to gain knowledge. The golden rule for education is, “Do not teach, let them learn.”

As Oscar Wilde writes, “Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”

A parent needs to be a friend more than a father or a mother. At times they may even guide us, because we need to learn to live life the new way through them, as they are our future.

A future that no one has seen and no one knows the way.

As according to Khalil Gibran, “You can give your love to your child, not thoughts, because he has own thoughts,”

He further explains, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and He bends you with His might that his arrow may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”