The Test

The Test of Humanity

How do we define Humanity?

The condition of being human, human being as a whole or having sympathy and kindness towards others. Do we fulfill these conditions for living in a society of human beings?

A universal question -- Do we serve the meaning and purpose of our existence?  Arises in the mind of every individual. As Tennessee Williams writes ----"Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question."

What meaning can we give to life, what purpose can we serve, other than the service of humanity? Man lives for man and not for the other objects on the earth. He lives to be with the self and for the self, and for his fellow beings who are like him. It is a widely used cliché that, man is a social animal, but it is undoubtedly the truth. He needs to deal with people of different types in his day to day life. He needs to learn to co-operate with others to maintain peace in the society. He also needs to find a place for himself in society and be aware about his position, his obligations towards society.

"Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful, he cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes this line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work."--- Plotinus.

Like the creator of the statue, we need to work on building ourselves, to bring out that inner beauty on our face, the beauty of the soul and character. As gold can be tested by rubbing, pricking, heating, melting and beating, similarly human beings can be known by their knowledge, nature, qualities and work.

A person whose presence encourages comfortable atmosphere for all is a great person. It symbolizes his open heartedness. A person whose presence creates tension, discomfort, who induces fear amongst people, who suppresses other's individuality for his self ego, who spoils the occasion due to personal differences and hatred, such persons though they think themselves to be great, their characters reflect defective upraising. They shun progress and live a stereotype, channelized life. They consider others to be useless and are never clean hearted. They always hate others for no proper reason, find faults and never give respect to anyone. Thus, they never gain respect from others. To be called great and being great in reality has a vast difference.

Thoughts, words and behaviour give greatness to man. When good thoughts are absorbed and adopted in practical life, they change the character and enhance the greatness in a person. Where there is love there is humility. One would not behave arrogantly with his loved ones. Humility is a rare virtue, so one should try to cultivate it. It means living with the sense of being a part of the creation. This realization brings humbleness when we get rid of ego, pride and vanity disappear, and we can no longer hurt others. When we develop humility we no longer suffer from pride of wealth, position, knowledge or power.

Every individual wishes to achieve greatness, which can distinguish them from the ordinary. Everyone wants to be somebody, everyone wants to shine. And then every action is performed with the aim of becoming the greatest. This brings competition, rivalry, jealousy, envy and at times intense feeling of hatred because he thinks that the others are preventing him from realizing greatness that he deserves. And thus, he leaves behind his true greatness, he originally had.

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." --- writes Henry Thoreau.  It is true to the core that if we wish to bring in humility we will have to think and work towards it. The thought of humility should be engraved in the mind to an extent that we can follow it seriously. This is the time when a reform in attitude towards life is required. One should learn to differentiate between image and reality. Most of our activities are centered around reflection and not reality. Whatever we see in a mirror, is a reflection, an image of our self not reality. Treating the reflection as real is the root cause of distress and agonies in life.

Once a bird entered a room which had a mirror. It sat before the mirror and started pecking at its own image in the mirror thinking it to be another bird. It felt distressed and anxious. By pecking over the image it was trying to hurt the other bird with its full strength. But it did not understand that it was hitting its own image. It is an illusion and in the process it hurts it own beak. Like the bird hurting itself, every individual hurts the self fighting with the reflection. He tries to portray a false image in society and to do that he hurts his original self. It has been since time immemorial that man has not known or understood who his real opponent is. It is the people out there or is it his own self that he is fighting against. This understanding can dawn only when he understands his own conduct and behaviour.

The greatness he achieves in his life turns him to an extravagant and arrogant, boastful and egoistic person, who forgets that true greatness lies in his modesty and humility. Humility is rare, because to have it you want or need nothing and if you do have it, you get everything. Humility is freedom from the anxiety of having the satisfaction of being honoured by others. Pride, the opposite of humility makes us crave for honour from others as a source of happiness. Pride breaks relationships whereas love builds bridges of relationships.

Not only society, but even in a family, there should not be a dictator's rule. Because it is always the home and the family from where every individual's character is moulded. Maintaining each individual's self respect and taking tasks from them is the true art of life.  Abraham Lincoln once said, "Nearly all men can stand adversity. But if you want to test a man's character, give him power." Because True power, which is said to be the ultimate aphrodisiac, lends the illusion of a high that gives people a sense that they can indulge in any wanton act - without complete impunity. A bossing nature, power and obstinate attitude does not allow the progress of others may it be wife, children, family or your colleagues. The dominance of one person can harm the others in several ways.

By absorbing the true principles of humanity man can understand his religion, absorbing good qualities keeps him away from evils, hearing gives him knowledge and learning the logics and philosophies of life leads him toward knowing the self which in turn helps in achieving peace for the self and for others. True knowledge illuminates life. It shows the brighter side of life and takes away ignorance. It teaches humility, love and brotherhood. As the value of a person increases with his knowledge, similarly life improves with his nature. His character can only make him great. And character is not a single quality. It is a collection of virtues imbibed in a person from his childhood, through adolescence and adult stages of life. Attachments between parents and children, family ties, serve the purposes of survival. This strength and security are related to the parent-child interactions, to the interactions in a family. Characters are built through values and religion. Humility, charity and truth are the pillars of a strong character.

Characterless people are like berries, smooth and soft externally but hard internally. Whereas people with great characters are like coconuts, hard externally but smooth, clean and pure internally. Characterless knowledge is like a flower without smell. Such people prove to be harmful to society.  Addiction is considered to be a bad habit, but addiction to gain good knowledge is advantageous. Man should use his power, strength and intellect to control himself, to curb his mind from straying. It is true that man can make everything possible if he desires to do so. But there are very few people who really want to do anything. The world is full of boastful people who can talk great things but can do nothing. Knowledge is of three types, the best, the mediocre, and the worst. Which type of knowledge do we want to gain and absorb depends only on our self, no other person can dictate it to us. Because it is this knowledge, the type of knowledge we choose, that will shine in our life. That will give radiance to life. It is not important where a person lives but it is very important how he lives, a bad environment can also produce a true personality and a good environment can also produce an evil person. As Jawaharlal Nehru puts it, ---"It is now clear that science is incapable of ordering life, A life is ordered by values. "

The founder of ISKCON, Srila Prabhupada says, - "One's greatness has to be estimated by the ability to tolerate provoking situations." Are these great personalities products of some other world or do they belong to the same society, same world we live in? They are the individuals who have absorbed and adopted qualities and virtues in life. It is not for their success or fame that they give such statements. It is their characters, their thoughts that come out as words. That they wish to share with one and all.

The test, the appraisal of humanity is not to be gauged in a day, it is a lifetime process. It is the test that we give throughout life.. In each and every word we speak and every action we perform. It is not that th self can measure humanity. It is the quality that can be noticed by others through the person's attitude, thoughts and behaviour. It is this very quality of humility, of humanity that the world at large needs the most. Amidst the terror and sorrow people face in every country, in every society, in every home.

Frantic worker

The Frantic Worker.   

A wife, a mother, a worker, a daughter, a housemaid, a this, a that. How many roles do women play? Why does she do so? Why do they play these multiple roles? And what are its causes and effects?

The negative effects of these multiple roles play havoc in their lives. Women may or may not be aware of it. Fatigue, anxiety, resentment, depression, other health problems are its negative effects. 

Why do women drive themselves frantic or crazy with overwork? It is because they have an inner conflict that they do not wish to show the world. She wants to prove herself and others that she is capable of multitasking. The reason may be gender panic or low self esteem. She backs from her ambitions, accepts homemaking, or she may go to work outside the home. But she never leaves the house. She is not able to make herself completely free or independent of her home or family matters. Sitting in her office she worries about her domestic work or her responsibilities. And this double burden tears her apart and she tries to hide it from the world by becoming a frantic worker. She does not give herself that time to think for herself and her needs and wants.                     “Husbands no longer earn enough in our inflation bloated economy to support their families, so they encourage their wives to get out and earn. But few husbands are willing to do housework. Today’s men want his woman to work at two jobs; one is outside the home, the other inside home. And all the same remain the traditional dominating male. These create conflicts in women’s life, who is conditioned to play a dependent role throughout her life. Though modern woman has changed her garb, she tries to disguise the conflict through drudge work.                            

   As Colette Dowling puts it, “Work, especially if it’s conceived of as the pursuit of one’s own personal development an not just ‘helping out with the bills’ is a way of separating or individuating oneself. Thus, it can be experienced as a going-away from the other scary business indeed. Better to hang back in the marriage. ‘I really care about my family’ becomes the rationale for making a major retreat in life.”                                                  She further says, “Most of us have not yet made a true decision about our lives. Trying to maintain a situation in which we give up neither on independence, nor our dependence, drains us of energy. Consciously, we blame men for not changing, but unconsciously we are willing to have them stay the way they are.”   

And that makes all the difference, to us, to them.

Stress

Stress. Can you manage it?

    Stress is  the inability to cope with a real or imaginary threat to one’s mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being, which results in a series of psychological responses and adaptations. It can be caused by good and bad experiences. Stress can not always be avoided. Every individual faces it at one time or other during his life period. Some thrive in stressful situations, while others reach exhaustion.

     Stress is caused by two types of emotional disturbances. External and Internal disturbances. The external disturbances arise out of family responsibilities, economical problems, quarrels, differences in opinions, etc. and cannot be controlled by the self. Internal disturbances can be controlled by the self as they have personal reasons behind them like sickness, tension, overwork, etc. The personal disturbances can also be changeable or unchangeable. Acquired qualities, personality, behaviour, expectations, can be changed. Whereas nature of a person cannot be changed as it is inborn. But nature can be controlled. It is necessary but difficult to control nature. Also, if nature is not controlled, man becomes a slave of nature and if it is controlled, he can become its master.  Nature can be controlled externally through behaviour and internally through understanding.

Nature of a person depends on three major aspects.

1)      Physical aspect – Appearance is what makes our physical nature. If we are fat we wish to become thin and vice versa. One must learn to accept the self in its original form.

2)      Mental aspect – The mental capacity of every human being differs from the other. We must avoid comparisons and imitations.

3)      Personality aspect – There are normally three types of personalities. 

• Aggressive – This type of people have a superiority complex.
• Assertive – These types of individuals have the equality complex and are considered most idealistic.
• Submissive – These individuals suffer from an inferiority complex.

All types of personalities have positive and negative aspects to them. J

     Resilient people accept their responsibilities in life and they understand what has gone wrong, so that they can fix it. They are able to cope because they learn to deal with situations that cause stress and its adversities.

     Stress can be positive or negative. It may be a sense of heightened concentration or of continual sense of being geared up and unable to relax. One’s personality, behaviour and life style influences his stress level. Constant excessive demands in life result in physical exhaustion, fatigue, high BP, insomnia, etc. Its projections are anger, hatred, boredom, frustration, etc.It forms difficulties in studies, disturbed concentration at work, headaches, etc.

     Man is given a mind, body, relations, circumstances, friends, memory, business, everything. Nothing is new, nothing is discovered by man. Whatever we think we have discovered was already there, but it was covered (undisclosed) due to human ignorance. This covered has now changed to discovered. Man has discovered the different ways to combat stress caused by these discoveries. He has realized t he difference between the changeable and the unchangeable things and realities of life.

     Stress management teaches to adopt this method. It teaches to accept the self, the things around us and the circumstances. It teaches to accept the world as it is. It helps to learn to make adjustments. Not to keep expectations from others, not to be a perfectionist and to forget the past. Man should perform his duties and not expect rewards. To act and not to react, because rewards are of four types.

1)      That which meets our expectations.

2)      Which is more than our expectations.

3)      Which is less than our expectations.

4)      Completely unknown.

When any one type of reward is achieved man strives for the other type and therefore faces dissatisfaction and sorrow which leads to stress. When the reality of performing duties without expecting results is accepted, it eliminates stress.

Duties performed with dedication and without any expectations, give pleasure, peace and satisfaction. It results in relief from stress.

     Environmental stress is based on different factors as pollution, noise, unsafe environment, traffic, riots, terrorism, etc. Work related stress emerges when a person works out of his field of interest. It bores and frustrates him. The interference of others at work place, dull environment, competition, multitasking and incapable colleagues affect their stress severely. The person starts complaining about self, family, circumstances, blaming others for every situation, and his efficiency in work starts deteriorating.

Mental dissatisfaction makes a person feel unwanted and useless, he finds life full of limitations, and he desires freedom. These thoughts make a place in his mind, demanding answers. He often asks himself, ‘Why do such things happen to me only?’ He then tries to change himself temporarily and find peace and satisfaction but in vain. This further leads to severe stress. But according to psychotherapy, stress less life cannot be achieved unless we try to stop changing everything around us. The need is to accept everything as it is, even the self, and learn to live with it. Everything in the world is lifeless. It has no capacity to give us happiness or sorrow. Happiness lies within you. We need to know our inner self, the soul. And the soul has no limitations. If this fact is known, peace need not be sought, it will be there with you. As stress originates from the self it cannot give happiness, sadness, advantages or disadvantages, it remains just as it is. No material gain can give peace and happiness forever.

     When we admire the natural things like birds, stars, etc. we accept them as they are. We experience completeness in them and do not try to change anything about them. Therefore, we find happiness in them. They relieve us of any objective thoughts and we do not complain about anything against them. But normally we do not accept other things in the same manner as is our human nature. People wait for troubles, invite unwanted problems, making life more complicated as they need confusion in life to keep occupied, ultimately leading themselves to stress. If such unwanted stress is not controlled it leads to hypertension, anxiety, frustration, etc. It breaks down a person physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and principally. Therefore, it becomes necessary to control self initiated stress. Unless the mind is not controlled and managed, it becomes difficult to achieve success and peace in making a stress free life possible.

According to psychologists, every interest is first born in the mind as a seed, and then it continues to grow. Later it takes its real form which others can see. The interest that first appears in the mind remains weak for the first three minutes and becomes strong in the next five minutes. All the negative thoughts should be deleted within the first three minutes. If not taken out, they would become stronger later and you can never throw them out. It takes shape even after years. Such accumulation of unwanted negative thoughts and interests become the core of stress.

     Stress is different thing to different people. To students, to executives, to housewives. All have a different perspective towards stress. But the core content remains the same. One should never strive to hasten events or achievements in life. It causes unnecessary stress. Patience leads to gradual progress. A tiny seed sprouts and gradually grows into a tree, full of blossoms and fruits. Does the tree contrive its growth or hastens it up? No. Its growth always remains at its gradual form with affirmed progress.

     Stress is also created by going to extremes. Excess of anything and everything is harmful, whether social or antisocial.

     Once a prince met Lord Buddha, whose ‘presence’ and ‘being’ inspired him to be a monk. The prince was a great musician and led a luxurious life. After initiation, he went to the other extreme. He renounced the worldly pleasures, began fasting vigorously and walked bare foot.

 Buddha inquired, ‘If the strands of the guitar are very loose, can you play good music?’                                                  

‘No,’ replied the prince.

‘If the strands of the guitar are very tight, can you still play good music?’

‘No.’ replied the prince.

‘Therefore, don’t go to the extremes, it is only through right tuning of the strands that good music can be played’ said Buddha.

Similarly, life needs to be balanced properly to keep stability, proper tuning in it. Some easy techniques to fight stress are:

·         Cultivate the power to fight stress.

·         Learn to differentiate between positive and negative thoughts.

·         Accept extra suffering and extra happiness.

·         Find solution to problems.

·         Know the self.

·         Read good books.

·         Keep healthy through meditation, exercise, etc.

·         Develop hobbies.

·         Smile in adversity and make good friends.

·         Curtail greed and expectations.

And above all be happy and satisfied with what you have and ignore that you do not have.

One of the best ways to manage stress is to develop the positive attitude. Looking on the brighter side of life.

It will give mental strength and determination to take stress as a part of life and manage it effectively. Use your time and energy as efficiently as possible. Only then can you enjoy life completely. It will make you look better, feel happier and stay active, independent and more relaxed than those around you.

Look!

Look! The World Is In Your Hands.

     When the new academic season begins, students, graduates and postgraduates, seem to be on the run. Wherever the sight reaches, advertisements of courses, universities, institutes are visible. The season seems to be as colourful and as promising to the young generation.

     Their fantasizing and ambitious minds take them to greener pastures, unaware of the practicalities to be faced on each and every step of these enduring, promising careers. It is a fact that all through the school years the students maybe achieving high grades, may it be academic, sports or extra curricular activities. But the moment they step out of the school, they are at the verge of the turning point in their life.  They are lost in uncertainty. The secure environment of the school is no more available. They feel insecure, lost in the unknown world. It is not that they are ignorant or unaware of the different choices, careers, their capabilities or the options set forth before them with their future opportunities. But it is the decision making that leaves them in a dilemma. Choices may be multiple, but the decision has to be only one. And that one decision makes them helpless, lost.

     It is though not a new dilemma. Time and again every generation has faced these problems. A lot has been discussed, solutions are suggested, professional guidance is provided, but yet it remains an unsolved problem for thousands. The rarest of rare are very clear about their ambitions and even rarer are those who fantasize, follow the path to their ambition and actually achieve it.                      As Orison S. Marden puts it,

“The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others, it is in yourself alone.”

     Due to some unfavourable circumstances, students at times do not get admissions to their desired courses. At such times, advice, consolations from parents and teachers also are held unimportant. In such situations, the most essential factor is better understanding, positive and practical attitude towards life. The younger generation should be made to understand that the non attainment of any career is not the end of the world. With the fast pace in professional up gradations, multiple choices have mushroomed. You leave one and you find a multitude. Cherie Carter-Scott has explained it very well,

“Your life has the potential to be a wondrous journey, filled with exciting moments and astonishing experiences. It can be a thrilling ride if you are open to exposing all that is available to you. Adventure is the result of your willingness to live life with a spirit of enthusiasm.”

It is not that failure in one field will lead you to total darkness. One needs to grope in the dark, to find the sparks of light. They should learn to find a way in life, out of any and every situation. If not able to attain one goal, go for the next, if not the next try yet another, but never get discouraged or depressed. Where there is struggle, there is always a way out. Achievements obtained without struggle may not be as enduring and satisfying as the one gained through a lot of struggle. When the fire to gain is ablaze, it can never leave darkness in the vicinity. To keep that fire live it requires determination in thoughts, words and deeds. It is well said, “Our desire should be for that which makes us strong, strong to meet unexpected shocks, depression, chaos, uncertainty. And this strength does not depend on material resources but on poise and mental caliber.”

     Does this sound like a spiritual discourse?

 Probably, Yes. But it is the hard reality of life. It is a fact that concerns thousands of young lives, emotionally, spiritually and monetarily.

     Looking into the future, trying to mould the path to achieve the goal, helps to achieve the ultimate. The ultimate can be achieved when a person can use his mind and intelligence freely. And the mind and intelligence can be used freely only when the mind is composed. When the mind, body and the distractions co-ordinate, it makes a full innate efficiency in whatever work we do. Give full attention to the smallest tasks, do everything with feelings and devotion, it is the best way to build up the habit of concentration. And concentration is the major factor that the present generation lacks. Concentration can unite the self with all things from the lowest to the highest. As a Yogi has truly said,

“Through the mastery of concentration one gains access everywhere, from the atom to the Infinite.”

Khalil Gibran has said further explaining,

“There is a space between man’s imagination and man’s attainment that may only be traversed by his longing.”

     From time to time people encounter these crossroad moments. When one thing appears to be drawing closer, the other seems to be drifting away. We are not prepared for the former to end and the latter to begin. We feel completely lost at a four way intersection. Which direction to traverse. It becomes a great confusion, where we are not able to distinguish between the crossroads as the meeting point of four roads or a junction that disperses into four different directions. It may be a centre to stop and gather maximum power or it may be a centre of complete break down.  Such moments seem to appear to every individual in different age groups. Though early twenties and mid forties are the most eligible groups. We are unable to decide the road to be taken, the career to choose, handling difficult situations, tragedies, losing jobs and so on. There may be innumerable reasons for the occurrence of these precarious stages in life.

“Every generation has the obligation to free men’s minds for a look at new worlds, to look from a higher plateau than the last generation. Your vision is not limited by what you eye can see, but by what your mind can imagine _ _ _ _ .Make your life count and the world will be a better place because you tried.”           ----------    Astronaut, Ellison Onizuka.

     In such situations people either turn inactive due to fear or senselessly fling the self into any unknown fields, as if in a frenzy. Instead of succumbing to frigidity or frenzy, one should calm the mind and listen to the self. This calm cool state of mind will show the way to make further decisions and act accordingly. We must be ready to leave behind the well planned life we had imagined, only to find the life that is awaiting us in its full bounty.

      Look! The world is in your hands, but only when you can see it from every dimension. Turn it, turn around, turn it to find your true place in it.

Siblings

Sibling Rivalry.

     Rivalry is a situation in which two persons or groups are competing for the same thing. Here it is for favoritism and position in the family. We may call it child antagonism, a feud or strife which emerges not in a single family but is omnipresent, universal.

     Children are the future of the family and the world. How they grow up depends not only on the love of parents or family members, or the amount of money spent on them, but on the way everyday situations are handled by the elders. The pressures of everyday life can make the simplest situations worse. Love between mother and child, between siblings is a reflection of the Divine love. How it is interpreted makes all the difference in relationships.

     Child psychology is a very complex subject. It needs patience and alert mind to understand it. Though it is not learnt from books by all, it is learnt mainly by practical experiences and observations of child behaviour and attitudes in daily life.

     Love and hatred, pride and jealousy, are the emotions often experienced by siblings. But it is always the brother or the sister who help in shaping one’s character. When the child is alone in the family he is quite comfortable and secure, but the arrival of another child in the family disturbs the first child mentally. It is a very delicate situation which needs to be handled very tactfully and wisely. The parents should prepare the child in advance for the future, when he will have to share everything with the new arrival in the family. A feeling of security and warmth should be created to ensure the child his importance and place in the family. It is believed that in the initial years of childhood this feeling of rivalry is more obvious and dominating in a child. As the years pass by, and by the time they grow up they are more attached and concerned about one another. This proximity brings about intimacy and the rival attitude diminishes. 

     Parents play a pivotal role in development and devolution of this sibling rivalry. The most delicate and touchiest problem required to be taken care of is favouritism. Parents do not realize the risks behind it and unknowingly or perhaps at times knowingly create the communication gap between siblings. Some children develop different types of fears or phobias in this age. These childhood fears are not real but a part of growing along with emotional disturbances and insecurity. It creates lack of confidence and tolerance in children. These emotional disturbances can be taken care of by giving equal care and attention, equal love and affection to the children.

     After a certain age when children begin schooling and socializing there is a kind of competition between them in each and every matter. They try to prove themselves superior to the others by trying to do their best. In such situations it becomes necessary for the elders to be very tactful in appreciating one and also encouraging the other. Each child has a different talent and may prosper in different fields. Care must be taken that there should be no comparisons made between them. Comparisons make them feel inferior, insecure and at times very confused. They lose confidence and develop agitation for the person competing him. Appreciating each in a different way, acknowledging their abilities can save the situation and also boost their confidence. They should be assured of their capability again and again. Brothers and sisters often emulate one another. Learning from one another is often an upward and downward process. In further complex situations siblings do not reflect each other but they differentiate themselves. It is a phenomenon called de-identification by Psychologists. Siblings of opposite sex have a distinct advantage. They get along easily and interact more freely. It helps them to turn out to be better spouses in later lives and can relate better with the opposite sex outside the family and home.

“Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet.”

                                                  ------   Vietnamese Proverb.

     Situations become easier when the parents are wiser and well informed. Every parent expects the child to give peak performances in life. If one child in the family excels, the other is obviously expected to do the same. It remains a question unanswered as to why do some children perform well while others of  equal or superior  ability can not do so. Many parents believe skill is determined by natural ability. The child with highest IQ will get the best grades. But the fact is otherwise. Genes do count in determining performances, but only partially. The competitive edge comes from mental attitude, character, strategy and the environment provided to the child to blossom to its fullest. When two siblings are brought up in the same environment, also they may have different intellectual power and hence may perform variably. It is here that the parent’s intervention in a positive manner becomes most essential.

     The winning edge should be inculcated in a child from very young age. They should be taught to face circumstances, despite the obstacles and learn to be winners. Some simple traits help to bring about the competitive edge.

·         Find something to praise each child.

·         Teach, do not blame. If something goes wrong, criticize the behaviour not the child. Give them a positive criticism not the negative one with abuses and assault.

·         Assess the child’s individual strengths. Do not mould them your way but let them be the way they want to be. It will give them lots of space and self-assessment.

·         Encourage self-applause because talking positively to the self about the self, reinforces the self image, which in turn gives confidence and self praise.

·         Teach your child to relax. Because knowing the way to relax is the key to peak performances. When relaxed the mind is clearer and the body functions with great efficiency.

·         Teach to concentrate and to rehearse mentally.

·         Remind success off and on.

There are no short cuts to bringing up children to do their best. It is a gradual process of support, encouragement and hard work. These efforts pay off not only in peak performances but in closer, warmer and more affectionate relationships between parent and child, between brothers and sisters and in maintaining positive attitudes towards one and all. It does not give rise to mutual contempt and will encourage co-operation and concern amongst them.

Khalil Gibran very well explains the concept of sibling’s role in one’s life, “Women opened the windows of my eyes and the doors of my spirit. Had it not been for the woman-mother, the woman-sister, and the woman-friend, I would have been sleeping among those who seek tranquility of the world with their snoring.”

A sibling may become a friend, a confidante, a role model or a competitor, any individual has lived and fought with a sibling observes that the relationship always changes with the time and age. But the emotional bond always remains unique.      

Sayonara

Never say ‘Sayonara’

     But Asha Parekh said so in the movie, ‘Love in Tokyo' teasing the much awaiting Joy Mukherji, while sexy Sam (Amitabh Bachchan) never said it in the movie, ‘Kabhie Alvida Naa Kehna’.

     They are the characters not just of a movie but of our daily life. The character of sexy Sam brings a smile on every face. Not because he is dating so many girls or having a gala time. But because he also shows his relativity to life.

What life is and how it should be lived. His acceptance of being an out and out flirt disappoints people but he confides his dedication and love or his wife, whom he had lost. He was trying to relive without her as he missed her in every moment of loneliness. He missed her company, her love, her care and concern for him and her tremendous support at every difficult step of life, which had made him what he was. They were the pillars of a relationship and that was exactly what he saw missing in his son’s married life.

     Movies do not merely depict artificial characters but they do bring alive one’s hidden qualities that may not be seen by the world, but are dormant in one’s subconscious. Bringing them to the fore enhances the awareness and reality that are required to understand an otherwise confused life.

     Sam confesses that he has had many women in his life, but that was after his wife’s death. He had never been unfaithful to her, never betrayed her or hurt her in any circumstances. He accepts life in a different way because his wife wanted him to be happy even in her absence. And may be she was wise enough to know the side effects of a suppressed libido. Men by nature are more physically satisfied, while women are emotionally satisfied. And Sexy Sam’s wife did not want her handsome, wise, dedicated husband to turn into a frustrated, unsatisfied and schizophrenic man after her death. Hence, she wished to see him happy ever after her. And that was what exactly a dedicated husband did. Bringing out a jovial, happy-go-lucky person in the guise of Uncle Sam. Who never ran away from his duties and his responsibilities. Who brought up his only son being a father and a mother. Living life with zest, weaving each fiber of relationship carefully.

     He never said, ‘Sayonara’ or ‘Alvida’ to life.

Accepting it all along with all his sorrows and with grace.

Life

Life of Substance.    

“What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?” ---John Clare.

Take just a moment from your life to stop and reflect on the quality of your daily lives. What do we mean by life? Are we living a quality life? A life of substance?  Do we have a purpose in life? These questions often evade the mind. We try to find answers to these queries, but in vain.

 It is because people are so dissatisfied with life. The emptiness, the monotony makes them yearn for more. They try to find some excitement in gaining even more of what they already have. It is the greed to gain without giving anything in return.  They strive for a purpose of life. Therefore, the purpose of life should not be making life rich with material gains, but with love, relationships, compassion and spirituality. These are the qualities that give a meaning to one’s life.

The human being is made up of three component parts. The body, mind and soul. The body fulfills the physical functions and also acts like a carrier for the mind and soul. The body cannot do anything on its own. It has no thinking, reasoning, will power and emotions. It is like a computer, where information needs to be fed in. The mind is the seat for mental ability and reasoning power. The soul is the seat for will power and emotions. The need is to make all the three parts work efficiently, to their best capacity.

Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated. If everything in life would have been predestined, then there would have been no scope for one’s intelligence. The positive attitude can enable achieving desired goals in life.

To achieve that goal the Bhagvad Gita, elucidates four different paths, 1) Raj yog or Meditation           2) Karma Yog or Work with  dedication 3) Gyan yog  or Knowledge, and    4) Bhakti Yog or Devotion, from which the aspirant may choose according to his temperament, capacity and inclination. The individual has the liberty and ultimate choice in his own hands, as to which path he wishes to choose. Liberal and without prejudice to help deal with the turbulence of life in as rational manner as is humanly possible.

The most powerful instrument that mankind possesses is Thought Power. People do not remember that they have this power and they do not have the ability to harness and make use of it.                                                                                                                              “The will to win, the will to succeed, to shape one’s life, to take control, can only be harnessed when you decide what you want and that no challenge, no problem, no obstacle will keep you from it.”----A. Robbins.

Each one of us is unique. Our uniqueness makes us aware of our goals and enables us to pursue them single-mindedly. Our journey in life is not meant to be left to chance, or else we would never get to our destination. It is the goal and the destination that gives coherence and meaning to life. Do not bury your uniqueness to become unidentifiable mass. Losing your individuality, but build your identity on god-given gifts and your unique capabilities.

People lack the courage and inner strength to make their own decisions. They become dependent, moving with the crowds. They cannot differentiate between the present and the past. The present moment is the foundation of the next moment. The way in which one reacts in the present will determine his future. Being positive, powerful and loving today, can give strength to handle any situation tomorrow.                                        “When all else is lost, the future still remains.”---Christian Bovee.

We have examples of innumerable great personalities that are said to have lived a Life of Substance. May it be Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa or President Abdul Kalam. What makes them stand out among others? What is it that they have in their lives and we don’t?  It is their motivation. Their need for achievement is their motive to accomplish things and to be successful. They realize and fulfill all of their potentialities. This success makes them great personalities. They lead their lives in a well calculated manner, on the path that needs different behavioral patterns across situations. It includes characteristic qualities life self-discipline, understanding, warmth, patience, humility and adjustments. These qualities mould and project them as great personalities. Psychologist, Gofdon Allport defines personality as, “The dynamic organization within the individual of those Psychophysical systems that determine his unique adjustments to his environment.” Personality consists of the distinctive patterns of behavior that characterizes each individual’s adaptation to the situation in his or her life. It is the way how he finds a way out of any and every critical situation. Personality is not attained by the ultimate success, but by the path taken to achieve that success. It builds a receptive character instead of being rigid and obstinate. The prerequisite for progress in any field of activity is receptiveness to new ideas. Receptiveness is the capacity and willingness to absorb. A closed mind, may it be due to inadequate life experiences, indifference, stubbornness, intolerance or contempt is dangerous, because it hinders all avenues of progress.

Our best possible investment in life should be of time, mental ability and will power. Many philosophers have said that we have a conscious and an unconscious mind. But in reality, it is only one mind which was originally intended to work consciously most of the time, but gradually becomes accustomed to work largely like a machine. The mind is not given any space to expand, no food for thoughts. The habitual mental processing is based only on materialistic conception and motives that have very detrimental consequences. As a result, the mental ability, concentration and will power gradually decrease and give way to worry and fear, nervousness, misery and unhappiness.

However, strenuous or complicated life maybe. We simply cannot afford to let these distractions interfere with our progress. Though being practical and motivated needs a good deal of perseverance, this accomplishment is within the reach of each and every person, one does not need the abilities of a Superman to achieve it.

This life of ours!    --------------------------             
 It is a wonderful life, when we know how to take it, when we live it as it should be lived!       

Dreams

Dreams to dream.

     All that can be witnessed, seen, observed in wakefulness is phenomena.

     All that which can be seen in a dream is hallucination, reverie, aspiration or trance.

What do these dreams try to tell us?  Are they related to real life or are they just illusions created by a restless mind?

Many of us wonder hopelessly, trying to decipher our dreams.  

     Dreams reflect the mysteries or dark sides of life. The modern dream analysis is producing amazing psychic insights. A treatment called ‘Dream therapy’ is emerging as a very effective tool for a person’s emotional wellbeing. Dreams help emotional healing and also in answering your most difficult queries that may be creating strange situations in life. The dream therapy bonds the inner thoughts with the exterior physical world. According to psychoanalytical theory, when you go to sleep, tell yourself that you would like to seek a solution to your problem. And slowly, the answer unfolds before you in your dream. It helps to identify ourselves and reach our goals.

     Dreams are fantasies unexplored. Daydreaming is generally considered to be a foolish thing when it remains just as a thought. But it can be true when works over it by trying to understand it and follow it with determination. Just building castles in the air and doing nothing about it makes the daydreams and object of mockery for the people. When the same thoughts are put to deeds, the person’s efforts are reckoned and acknowledged.

     Dreams are our guides that draw us out of any difficult situation, when the mind is perplexed and unable to take decisions. When you wake up with a certain jolt try immediately to remember what was it that you saw in the dream. It might be a dream that was trying to make you aware of some forthcoming problem. Dreams alert the mind, forewarns it to be active and accept whatever is to be faced in the future.

     Nightmares on the contrary dishearten a person. One may just sit up in bed, horrified, drenched in perspiration and in a state of complete shock. It might be some bad thought that may have occupied the mind, and that may have taken the shape of a bed dream. When these negative thoughts or acts remain to the self and are not disclosed they cause emotional disturbance, fear, tension, worry, anger and hatred, anything that could not be released from the mind and left undeterred.

These nightmares may be harmless and should not be taken seriously. Instead a healthy and peaceful lifestyle should be adopted to keep the mind and thoughts happy and positive. Because goals without action are dreams and actions without goals are nightmares.

     It is a world of great beauty and great cruelty, where the lines between reality and dreams are hopelessly blurred. But when these dreams are brought to reality they make life prosperous. It can be possible only through a determined and composed mind.  As truly said by Henry Davis Thoreau, “Dreams are the touchstones of our character.”

In a biography of former President of India, Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, ‘Dreams to Reality’, Srinivas Laxman writes how Kalam as a young boy wished to fly in the air like the beautiful birds. This passion for flying aroused by beautiful birds, years later inspired Dr. Kalam to design India’s first rocket. At the time when Kalam was growing up, no one had even dreamt of such a happening. It was his dream that was put to reality with his hard work, determination and humility that gave India the rocket scientist. Had it not been for his dream to fly like those beauties in the air, India’s ‘Missile Man’ as the media addresses him would not be amongst us. He was also nicknamed Mr. Nuke and the ‘father of the Nuclear Bomb’, after his success in nuclear tests.

As a saying goes, ‘Dream, dream, dream,

                               Dream transforms into thoughts,

                               Thoughts result into action.’ 

     Today psychologists are applying modern technology to probe the content of dreams. Through the computers content analysis is conducted which interprets the colours in the dream. Red colour means action, excitement and desire. Blue equals calmness, tranquility and harmony. While black connotes fear, anxiety and intimidations. 

     According to some celebrities, the successes in fulfilling their dreams have various perspectives. As Madhu Menon, a software engineer turned chief restaurateur, Shiok, Bangalore says, “The most important question to ask yourself is, ‘Do I see myself doing this for the next 20 years?’  If the answer is an unhesitant ‘yes’, then dare to dream the dream. The ways and means will follow……….”

As Deepa Mehta, a film maker puts it, “We all have to find the strength within us. When unsuccessful, we must try to rebuild our dreams to complete them,”

Since time immemorial people have tried to follow their dreams using wise or unwise means, because human nature is such that it cannot survive without hope. And dreams build hope to achieve something in life, to make life more meaningful and full of substance. The difference lies only in the interpretation of the dream to fulfill it.

A thought by William Law explains it very well,

“A Life devoted to the interests and enjoyments of their world, spent and wasted in the slavery of earthly desires, maybe truly called dream, as having all the shortness, vanity and delusion of a dream, only with this great difference, lost but fiction and fancies, but when the dream of life is ended only by death all that eternity is lost, for which we were brought into being.”  

  

Bold and Beautiful

Bold & Beautiful

      She was thin, frail, unattractive, she thought. Her physical appearance made a great difference to her. She was always conscious of her looks. She spent hours in thinking, how unpresentable and unattractive she was.

      At that time the phone on her desk rang. She picked up the receiver and talked to her client in effortless, fluent English. Her short, shrude discussion impressed the client and the deal was confirmed. She put down the phone and felt very happy about it and she read the nameplate on her table.

                                                       Miss Neha Singh.

                          Factory Administrative In charge and Personal Secretary.

She was the personal secretary to a Boss who was always unavailable to his clients and at the time of making important decisions.  She had taken over all the responsibilities in her firm.

     Neha met her old school friend, Sheila, on her way home. Oh! What a beauty she thought. Sheila was as always well groomed, stunningly beautiful and attractive. They exchanged pleasantries as meeting after a long time. Sheila suggested Neha to go for a makeover as she was working in a big firm and had a very good job. Initially Neha resisted but after meeting Sheila several times and Sheila’s continuous coaxing made Neha agree to do so. They both went to a Health and Beauty centre. She had a complete makeover and looked surprisingly different. Her old image of a frail, unattractive girl had changed. She felt better and thanked her friend for all her help and guidance.

     The next week she entered her office more confident and poised. Her complexes had disappeared and she felt great. In the evening while returning home, she met Sheila on the way as beautiful as ever. Neha stood by her and asked her the reason for standing at the bus stand everyday and not taking any bus. Sheila hesitated to answer her. But her insistence compelled Sheila to tell her the truth.

Almost in tears, Sheila said that she was a professional highly paid prostitute. She had no qualification and brains to earn and become a secretary or any other professional like Neha was. Her physical beauty was her only asset.

      The earth moved away from under Neha’s feet.

She thought, “How shallow my thinking is? How could she ever think herself to be useless, unattractive when God had given her such a beautiful heart and brain?  The most essential things to make a life that is so beautiful.”

She realized then that only external beauty can be disadvantageous for living a successful life. But brains with or without beauty can always be advantageous.

She realized that beauty or no beauty, ‘Jassi jaisi Koi Nahin’, because every individual, every Jassi and Jessica are unique in their own way.

      Thanks to the individuality each one has. Let’s celebrate our uniqueness and our individuality, and not regret being Bold and Beautiful with a VOID within.

Are you rich?

Are You Truly Rich?

The Bible says, “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

It is natural for a person to long for the bare necessities of life, like food, housing, clothing and other little luxuries. But along with them a little sense of sharing can help. It can give more satisfaction and happiness than it normally would without sharing. We need money to survive, to be comfortable, to indulge and enjoy life. Money also gives power over others, but not peace. “Poor and content is rich and rich enough.” says William Shakespeare.

Most of the people want to live in richness, which is the tangible, physical form. Being materially rich, having wealth and physical property are greatest things and also useful some of the great men, sages were kings and princes, but they did not make it their weakness that could rule their lives.

Richness of mind and heart are two different things that create a balance in life. Richness of heart gives compassion, purity, the quality of serving and sharing. This richness of the innerself comes when man rises above narrow identities, lives successfully. His riches become useful in serving others. He becomes more sensitive to the beauty of nature, to harmony with the self and surrounding, to precise thinking and speaking. Because every thought of ill will or every hard word makes an impact on other person towards whom it is directed. Sages have said that one who has risen above the narrow selfish desires becomes free from anxiety, fear and worry and is always tranquil, calm and joyous. Such a person is ever helpful to all living like a king who is responsible in richness.

When money doesn’t stay in pockets, it goes to your hand, and then misery is sure to come. If you keep it in your pocket, it’s great. Having lots of money, if it enters your head it becomes misery because that’s not its place.

In the Western countries 40% people use psychiatric medicine to remain same. Because they have never seen poverty, scarcity of money, it always is in excess. They have seen only the outside world, through material gain and have forgotten the inside which can keep that misery away and bring peace. That cannot be called well being which money should bring.

When discontentment creeps in a person thinks only about fulfilling the future but misses the beauty of the present. If you are rich, you want to be richer, if you are strong, you want to be stronger, if you are beautiful, you want to be more beautiful and thus the want goes on increasing day by day. Such a mind does not let you live life, but it lives life behind. It takes away the happiness and pleasure, and gives greed and unsatisfaction. As J. Botheron quotes, “My richness consists not in the extent of my possessions but in the fewness of my wants.”

This greed for money or richness goes to such an extent that the person can think of nothing else. The individual begins to see every action, every relationship and every transaction he does with the point of greed. The slightest chance of less gain will make him turn away from it. Even in his relationship the thought of personal gain will make him selfish. He cannot bear to do anything to please others, for a better cause or for the sake of humanity. But he will seek the same for himself. His greed becomes so dominant that he cannot see anything beyond the self.

This type of attitude takes away the small moments of happiness from life, from family, friends and all around. People slowly begin to drift away from such people as they cannot be necessarily interactive with him. In a whole family with several members he will be left out. He has to face loneliness as nobody barriers in his relationships. He develops a rigid sense of ego that does not tolerate ant deviation from is self-made pattern of life. He becomes proud, arrogant and disgraceful towards others. He feels he can set rules, he can bye anything and everything with the money he has. Forgetting that love, emotion, respect and care cannot be bought by any amount of wealth. They are the two way feelings, only if you give it you can give it you can expect in return. A one way flow can never last long. As George H. Lorimer has put it,- “It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.”

The example of Andrew Carnegie, who was born in a one-room attic in the nineteenth century is a Scottish weaver’s house, can only  remind the greatness of the riches you earn. He wrote, ‘It is a disgrace to die rich.’ And gave away seventy million pounds because he believed them to be true. He had migrated from Scotland to America with his poor parents. He started with an unpleasant job in a boiler room of a bobbin factory. Then he became a messenger boy, later he was promoted as an operator, then a telegraphist in a big company, after that he became a railroad superintendent. Slowly and steadily climbing the ladders of success. At eighteen he felt capable of doing anything. At the age of twenty-seven he earned £ 10,000 a year. He became the steel king and his reign lasted from 1875 to 1900. He spent all the surplus each year for benevolent purposes. He believed it ‘disgraceful to die as a rich man’. He believed that a rich man’s life should be divided into two parts, the first making money, and the second giving it away. This task of giving money was as difficult and important as earning it. In 1900 Carnegie retired, then for 20 years he gave his money away for noble causes. In educational fields, scientific research, music, he formed the Carnegie Corporation both I America and Great Britain, leaving a huge income to be spent every year for different purposes. ‘His Gospel of Wealth’ has profoundly influenced the modern world, writes one of his friend.

“A man’s true wealth is the good he does in the world. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are eternity and you are the mirror.” –writes Khalil Gibran.

No matter how rich you are, whether you are born rich with a silver spoon, or you are rich due to your efforts and hard work. There should always be a sense of humility and compassion within you that no riches of the world can overtake. Being rich is a great boon, but not on its own. It has to be in partnership with human values. Only then can a person be called truly rich. Or else he will be only wealthy of belonging and devoid of morality.

Every religion, every sect preaches about sharing and caring for others.  What we have and what we can give away depends only on us. Only giving away money does not mean sharing. Giving away of help, care, thoughts, knowledge and inspiration is also a way of sharing. It is for the individual to decide whether he wishes to live rich or die rich.  Hoard his wealth till death or give it away for good cause. Hoard his knowledge and intellect to die with him or share it with others so that it can increase manifolds. Because sharing of knowledge and ideas will only increase them and will give a strange satisfaction that no riches can buy.

Buddha is not remembered to this day because he was a rich king, but because he renounced his riches, his kingdom to be a messenger of peace. Though in the 21^st century we scarcely find such enlightened souls, but no one can stop our soul from learning from them. Today we see great personalities around us, who have grown from rags to riches, but out of them who will be a Carnegie and who a Buddha only they can decide.

It is an old belief, that money goes the way it comes. If you earn the money with honesty, it will bring peace, prosperity and happiness and it will also last long. But if it is earned by unfair means it brings frustration and anxiety as long as it remains with you, and when it goes away in a split of time, again for wrong purposes, it leaves you helpless and unhappy.

The modern, rich and famous have a superficial attitude about them. They show artificial pomp. The neighborhoods are full of people who do spend their fortunes to buy expensive cars to be parked in the front porch of their bungalow, but when it comes to using, maintaining and refilling it, they prefer using the public transport to avoid the wear and tear of their most preservable object. Each person in the family may be given a latest model of cellphone, but everytime it needs to be recharged they have to face the dreary abuses. So the money you have also should have a way to be spent. It is not every person’s cup of tea to be rich, live rich and die rich.

How then do we define ‘Rich’?

In a nutshell – A person materially and spiritually affluent.”

Habits Die Hard.

Habits die hard.

What is a habit? How does it form?

When an action is done repeatedly it forms into a habit. Habit is an established practice of doing something. It is a tendency to act in a particular way. Habits have a powerful effect on thoughts and actions. It can be called a second nature of individuals.

As is our nature difficult to change, so also are habits difficult to change. People generally think how and why did they develop certain habits that make them feel ashamed of  or when they unknowingly develop certain habits and get addicted to them.

Habits are not formed instantly. They are developed over a gradual process in a certain period of time, which begins either from childhood or from a phase of difficult period in life. People try to find solace or peace through these habits. The habits developed in childhood may be due to observation and emulation of their surrounding. Parents play a major role in forming habits in children. They may be physical or mental habits developed by imitating their elders. If elders are soft spoken and polite the child will imitate and learn the same, a rude loud behaviour will similarly be inculcated in the tender mind. Habits are highly influenced by the environment when the child is young. Similarly, a person in adolescence or mature age falls prey to the habit of drugs, alcohol, tranquilizers, etc. to avoid tension. But they do not realize that these habits are temporary alternatives as they give them an elated feeling for a limited period of time. In reality it only drags the person into addiction and deterioration of health. Forming good habits requires firm determination, whereas forming bad habits is quite easy and tempting. It is very difficult to get rid of bad habits once they are formed.

Habits come to us as slaves and stay back with us as Masters. They influence our character. Because character is a collection of habits. Good habits form good character, bad habits form bad character. It is well said,                             “Sow a thought, and reap an act,

 Sow an act and you reap a habit,

 Sow a habit and you reap a character,   

 Sow a character and you reap a destiny.”

When a child is not restricted from bad behavior, it develops into a habit. Telling lies, abusing, stealing, etc. these traits are not inborn, but they are developed with every passing day knowingly or unknowingly. When these traits are neglected or overlooked they form regular habits. When they become habits, they become ways of life. The individual finds nothing wrong in it. He tries and succeeds in every possible way to justify his lie, one leading to another. So also are the habits which comprise the entire behavioral pattern of a person. Curbing and controlling these habits can help to change the person. It can help to build a different character. But, as is known, changing habits is easier in the initial years, at the matured stage it requires determination and mental power. At the hyper stage it requires medical and psychoanalytic help to change them completely.

Psychotherapy has proved to be of great help to change mental habits as it treats the person after knowing the root cause of the habits formed. To discard the bad habits and adopt the good ones, to decide the future to be good or bad, everything depends on the inclination of a person. Whether it is towards a peaceful and blissful life or whether it is towards a life full of problems and distress.  When we try to find the solution, then the direction of life changes. If we complicate the problems then the complexities of life keep on multiplying infinitely.

One needs to reform attitudes, conduct and behaviour to be a better person because, according to a Chinese proverb, “There are two perfect men, one dead and the other unborn.”

       Anger is another habit that is difficult to control. It needs transformation of mental habits. Relaxation, concentration, meditation, etc. which teaches or tames the mind to keep cool and collected, to control the anger and to resist aggression. 

     Habits are of two types. Physical habits and Mental habits. Mental strength can help to overcome physical habits, but mental habits are much more difficult to control. The mind always helps to overcome physical tendencies that have developed over a long duration like smoking, drinking, etc. Whereas to overcome mental habits flexibility of mind is necessary or else one confronts great difficulties in life.                                            

     Plutonius has explained the thought in a very interesting way of how patience and perseverance helps to overcome habits. He said, “Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of statue that is to be made beautiful. He cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes thin line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work.”

     Thought habits are developed personally. They affect all the people around that person. Whether a lie or anger, whether stealing or cheating, these habits indirectly makes the surrounding dull and unhappy. It directly results in the person’s dissatisfaction over himself. His own behaviour makes him unable to gain peace of mind. After a certain period he becomes unaware of what he says or does. Unruly boasting, praising only himself, thinking himself to be the best and others to be worthless. All his actions make him totally self-centered. He can think of himself and only himself. He can go to any extent to justify himself. This becomes the ultimate goal of his life and he tries every possible way to maintain his ego.

      “From anger, delusion arises, and from delusion, bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost, one falls down again into the material pool.” -------- Bhagvad Gita. 

      Habits therefore are the stepping stones of ones entire character or life. The character which is formed by habits and that life which is lived by habits. These habits either ruin life or make it. It is here that we must pay our attention to know that habit formation has such an important role in life. It should not be overlooked while bringing up a child, when nurturing a family, in relationships and in society. Because habits form personalities.

       It is only due to the habits that kings have lost their kingdoms, rulers lost their reign. Rich have become poor and the poor have lived a pathetic life. Habits though a fundamental thing or quality can overturn life completely.

      To sustain habit for a lifetime or to curb it in time is only in ones own hands. No external body can help in overcoming it. The phrase, “Habits Die Hard” very well justifies it.