Relationships Unplugged

Relationships Unplugged.

 What is it we expect out of life?  Happiness, success and Peace.

 What is it that we regret to have in life? Failure, social obligations, poverty and unacceptance from family and peers.

 The connecting link that maintains equilibrium, stability in life, despite the expectations and regrets is “Relationships”.

 Relationships consolidate a person to a certain extent. It helps to overcome good and bad phases of life.

 Why then are relationships in the present times, so stretched, so strained that they break away so easily?

Human emotions are the strength of the soul. These emotions are felt and expressed only through relationships. Interactive social relationships are a rule of the society. The present age demands more of time, talent, and compatibility from man to survive.

The recent theories of relationships assert that, “Relationships form as a result of the interaction among the individual communicators within the cultural context of the societies in which they live”. May it be the relationships between father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife, or between siblings, in-laws or colleagues.

As Lettty Pogrebin says, “If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable – each segment distinct.”

If relationships are to form and persist, then the participants must provide one another with information about themselves. They should not try to trespass the individuality of the other partner. Each individual needs space to discover the self. When this space is provided, people react in a different manner with those around them. Their mind state remains calm and composed as they get time for relaxing and rejuvenating the mind. They can differentiate between good and bad, between wants and needs.

Relationship does not mean one can conquer over the other, but it means to co-operate, support and understand the other individual, without compromising on self-dignity. Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Then there will be no resentment against each other, either amongst the family or friends.

Relationships often suffer when people are too focused on money. In the present age money has overpowered all the other objectives and emotions of life. In the greed for money people forget their duties, responsibilities and concern for their near and dear ones.  Nothing matters as far as wealth is concerned. A child’s happiness, a fantasizing childhood that is being ruined, adolescent or youth perceptions, a woman’s dignity, humility, ambition or family unity, nothing at all matters. Material gain becomes the prime factor leaving the rest at stake. One should never forget that money, wealth, property are just fiction. It is a great mistake to let money make our decisions for us. Decisions should be made by people, for people. That maintains personal relationship. Even in the best relationships at times, bad phases occur when husbands and wives do not wish to talk to each other for fear of argument.  The reason for the tiff may be varied. Co-dependency, family politics, infidelity or jealousy. Each and every situation can be tackled if the spouses speak out the truth and let their partner clear their heart of their problems. Selfishness among spouses takes them away poles apart. Self-centered, egoistic, unconcerned attitude in a person, takes him away from maintaining family attachments. Their partners, children friends begin to drift away from them, avoid them, because relationships are built on trust, faith, attachment and concern for one another.

When elders in the family forget or neglect their duties and responsibilities of uniting the family, when their love, affection and sacrifice are biased, it is the children and the entire family who suffer the circumstances. Their childhood and youth are lost in uncertainty. The time they would have cherished for a lifetime, turns burdensome. They are lost between insecurity and unsatisfaction, worrying about their dark future. When every positive move or approach fails, due to negative responses from family and friends, it leads to frustration causing arrogance at times, mostly in the younger generation. It leads to change in behavior towards the elders. They feel frustrated and agitated for not being given the desired freedom, the joys of life. It hurts. They start drifting away from relationships and family bonds as they do not get satisfaction in those relationships. Such situation drives the person to other evils of society. Drugs, alcohol, a split personality—Schizophrenia, crime, etc. The simple reason for this condition is that they are not mentally capable of handling the contradictory situations. One thought goes one way the other goes the other way. Decision making becomes impossible, leaving the person in a complete chaotic state of mind. Peace of mind is therefore, the most essential thing in life, and relationships when they flourish in positive attitude, provide this peace of mind. It is the ultimate truth that man has tried to attain, but is not able to achieve due to his own selfish, negative, self-centered and irresponsible attitudes and unconcerned nature.

The modern society does not care to imbibe the moral values into their children. The values which are the foundation stones of relationships. They do not weave the thread of human qualities into their children’s characters. The reason may be circumstantial, with smaller families, single parenting, less knowledge of the cultural ethics, etc. We should know how to inherit the good qualities from our ancestors, as inheriting is also a culture. The seeds of good thoughts sow in the infant mind, grows into a tree of human character, which soothes and gives shade to all those who come near it.

“Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit”------Jawaharlal Nehru.

When the child grows into a powerful human character, he/she has the capability of handling the most adverse situations in more wise and practical way. He remains devoid of the evils of society and looks at life with optimism. Relationships have two aspects, positive and negative. When the inner self of an individual is strong, he finds a clear direction in life, has increased serenity, more patience and greater confidence. His relationships turn loving and lasting; he can communicate better and enjoy life to its fullest.

Communication is very important to maintain positive relationships, be it in the family, social, personal or platonic relationships. They all demand faithfulness and concern from both sides. A one way route of emotion do not let the relationships last. Though either of the person may try his best to overlook trifle matters, tolerate insults and bad behaviors, compromising and making adjustments. After a certain time period, that tolerance will break down, giving way to resentment. The woven thread of relationships will splinter into strained pieces, leaving the fabric of life tattered and torn. It will only give grief and solace to the individual, and family and friends.

HOW TO MAKE WISE CHOICES.

HOW TO MAKE WISE CHOICES.

The world has become very competitive. The competition has also ushered in huge opportunities for anyone who is willing to prepare oneself to exploit the same.The issue of  preparing our students to meet the challenges becomes very critical. The approach to education  and personality development has taken a very different dimension during the last century. Parents are keen to make their children assume greater responsibilities in their lives.World over  the emphasis on education has been shifting from not only academic excellence but also to overall excellence. In this context, the concept of  Multiple Intelligence is very crucial.

In the modern meritocratic society with the accelerated changes, the students feel the need for support in understanding the changes taking place in the market-oriented technological world.They are very enthusiastic and anxious to groom their future life. At the same time, they need the right assistance and guidance in making the appropriate choices of their careers.They lack the knowledge of each possible career option and how to go about making decision of which career to choose.

The very first thing to keep in mind for the students is the  Purpose of Education. Education serves manifold purposes in life, like 

• Acquiring knowledge and skills.
• Preparing for a satisfying career.
• Preparing for economic independence.
• Acquiring better social status.
• Helping to be better citizens.
• Learning to live with others.

Secondly, the Influence of Education on career. The kind of courses that you choose will depend on the career that you intend to follow. Similarly, the type of  job you get will depend on  the kind of education received.  Therefore, it is necessary to start thinking about your career while at school and make the most of studies. Find out about  vocational, technical schools and colleges.

Thirdly, Know Yourself. Knowledge about self is important  for making sound career decisions.

• What are your values?
• List the important things in your life.
• What are your interests?
• What do you like to do without the pressure from parents, teachers and friends?
• What are your abilities and aptitudes?
• In what fields can you utilize your potentialities and perform successfully and effectively?

How do you go about selecting a career? First  of all, Expand your  Career Alternatives by finding out as much as you can about different careers in many different occupations. Next, Narrow your  Career Alternatives  by matching your  qualification and personal goals, your likes and dislikes. Some careers require professional training while others  are in the skilled, semi-skilled or unskilled categories. Such as,-Paper work, dealing with written material in Educational /Research institutes,  offices,etc. –Work with people dealing in  communities, hospitals, banks, hotels, factories,shops, etc.

-Practical work dealing with materials and handwork or on machines in factories, workshops,  laboratories, hospitals, offices, etc.

When you plan a career you set the milestone  in your life.

Take your first step in the right direction. I f your objective and goals are not clear in your mind, take professional help through Career Counselling and Vocational Guidance Programmes or institutes which provide such counseling services. A counseling test will cover three vital areas viz,Aptitude,  Interest and Personality. The evaluation thus obtained will give information regarding your suitability for a particular stream or career. Some useful websites for career queries are,

• www.careerindia.com
• www.sndt.edu
• www.nid.edu

The academic performance of the students of Daman is comparatively low than the other cosmopolitan cities. The reasons may be various. Lack of  motivation, lack of  educational environment, no support from uneducated parents, lack of guidance, etc. Whatever the circumstances  may be, but the present generation has  definitely shown upcoming awareness.

Talking about students between 6-15 years of age, the need arises to understand them through different aspects, 1)Emotional needs, 2)Acadamic needs and 3)Social needs.

When we look at the Purpose of Education, there emerges number of academic issues that need to be resolved. The most important among them is the issue of DROPOUTS.

Students dropping out of school defeat the Purpose of education.

Providing certain guidelines for the 8^th and 9^th Std. dropouts, we have the ITI Centre Daman which gives vocational training in different  trades as skilled labours and craftsman. Trades such as Fitter, Turner, Plastic Processing operator, Electronics, Referigeration  and Air conditioning, Computer Operator and programming assistnant, Cutting and sewing, etc. with 50% to 100% seats reserved for girls according to the trades. The  ITI Daman has been selected as The Centre of Excellence among the 500 ITI s  all over India, and among the 35  in the western region. The institute plans to introduce a new course in Multiskilled Labour trade by Aug. 2006, as per the demand and need of the industries in the viscinity. The course is job oriented and also facilitates self employment, with computer as a compulsory subject with certificates awarded by The Govt. of  India.

Dropouts after 10^th  and other levels can join the Polytechnic College, Daman, offering Diploma courses in Civil/Mechanical/ Chemical Engg. and newly introduced Information Technology with 10% reservations for girls. The Std. 10^th pass students can join the above courses  as well as the Std. 11^th and 12^th  vocational training at Technical Training Institute, Moti  Daman, which has further scope in getting admissions for BCA., BBA.,BIT.,BA.,PTC.,DIT. The Std. 11^th and 12^th dropout can appear for 12^th directly through open universities. For the 12^th pass students there is the Reservation quota for degrees in Medicine, Engineering, Architecture,  Electronics and Telecomm., Physiotherapy, Computer engg., Chemical engg.,etc. Diploma in Textile, Pharmacy, Automobile engg., Metallurgy, Electronics, etc. distributed all over India.

After 10+2 level various courses that can be opted for are Marine Engineering, Fashion technology, Radio jockey, Company secretary, Hairstylist, Hospital management, Fashion photography, Event management, Journalism, TV production, Computer accountant, Animation, Astronomy, Aviation,  Cosmetology, Linguistics, Oceanography, Public relations, Gemology, Anthropology, Grooming, Foreign languages. But these courses are available only in selected areas.

       College dropouts can complete their graduation through correspondence course offered by IGNOU centre at Govt. Arts & science college, Daman in various subjects.

Some of the neighbouring cities also provide good options with three colleges in Vapi.

• ROFEL ( Rotary foundation of Education & Learning.) College of Arts and Commerce with Industrial Chemistry, Pharmacy, BBA., MBA & Nursing.
• KBS college offers Commerce & BSc. Microbiology.
• R.K. Desai college with PTC, B.Ed, Commerce.

As Daman & Vapi are industrial areas some courses that can provide employment are in the field of manufacturing  of plastic. The related course can be done through CIPET, Central Institute of Plastic Engineering and Technology Ahmedabad. Similarly, a textile course provided by  MANTRA,Surat, being a textile zone, Navsari Civil Hospital provides courses in nursing and midwifery, the most sought after career with great demand in India and abroad.

       The attempt is just made at a local level but the option can be made available far and wide in places away from home. Bombay, Pune, Banglore, have unliited choices. The newspaper and  career journals can facilitate with the required information. Remember, the more data and information you get,  the easier it will be to make a choice. It is wise to be active, open minded, taking responsibility and being creative in search for a career. Keep all options open and then decide.

       Career planning requires lot of thoughts, introspections, planning and then action. It is lots of hard work but the end results of happy, fruitful and  productive life is worth the trouble.

Lonely Hearts

Lonely Hearts

“There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them.”

        Loneliness is one such difficulty faced by many people. It is the seed that sprouts into multitude of new problems and illusions. It ruins the happiness in one’s life. There is no other suffering as severe as loneliness. According to a Psychologist, 80% of his patients had different health problems originating from loneliness. Some took to drinking, some to drugs and others to gambling, to chase away loneliness. It is a state of mind that has no age bar, no circumstantial limitations or location needed. It can attack anyone, anywhere at anytime. People take up the evils of society to combat loneliness, to resist it or to run away from it.

         Different age groups face different isolating consequences,

·                    A child may feel lonely when neglected by the parents, when they do not give quality time to the child. When the friend circle in the school does not provide sufficient interaction and company. They feel left out, unwanted. Such children develop speech problems, chest pain, lack of concentration, etc. due to Psychological reasons.

·        Adolescents may be popular among their peers, but feel emotionally isolated as they feel there is no one to empathize with them. The causes may be various, examination stress, break up in relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends, family problems, etc. They develop suicidal tendencies trying to run away from the consequences.   Schools and colleges should teach children life skills and provide guidelines on how to handle freedom with responsibility, instead of curtailing their freedom. Teenage support groups should be set up, where the adolescents can share their issues and fears, which will help them to get a broader perspective of life.

·        Spouses are lonely with the modern live-in relationships. Men and Women in their 20’s and 30’s face the pangs of loneliness. With the new trend of being single, outdating the institution of marriage, inclination towards remaining single, results in major solitude. This trend will lead people to live a life in the middle and old age without a partner or children. With the increasing number of marriage breakups, divorces, live-in relationships, co-habitation that never lasts long, the problem of loneliness will only be aggravated.

·        For the old aged parents, the saying,

“One flew East and one flew West, but none flew over the Cuckoo’s nest.” reveals alarming truth in the urban India. The empty nest syndrome is striking the homes of thousands of parents, whose children live abroad. They feel neglected. All that they want is love, care and companionship, not the money and the weekly or monthly calls from their NRI children. Whether urban or rural, the old age group faces the same consequences, with people migrating in search of greener pastures, to gain fame and wealth.

      The easiest solution for these senior citizens is not to depend totally on their children. They should expand their relationships to relatives and friends, neighbors and social circles. The fact remains that children who once leave their nests, seldom return. Parents should learn to cope with this reality. And the reality is an empty nest, old memories and vain hope that someday their children will return. According to a Psychiatrist, these parents need to learn to disconnect with their children and connect with others. Share emotions, time and wealth with other people. Cultivate a curiosity to learn new things. And if you feel you are neglected, do not treat it like a closely guarded secret; instead talk about it to close friends. It will lighten the heart.

       Once an old lady wrote a letter to Dr. Billie Graham, saying that she had become old, her children had grown up and left the nest, in search of destiny, she was left all alone. She was feeling degraded and lonely. What should she do? Billie replied to her, “Till yesterday you spent all your time and strength, love and energy after your children, now spread your love in your neighborhood. There must be many children in your surrounding, who might need your help and understanding. Many old people who might need your company. Go and help those people.” After some days she wrote another letter to Dr.Graham, saying she had followed his advice. And that she realized that till now she was groping in darkness, now she is moving in enlightenment. Though she had fulfilled all her responsibilities her soul was yearning, longing for something. A long suppressed want that was not satisfied till date. Now she had discovered herself.

       Individuals, young or old, rich or poor, all fall victims to loneliness. Though the external world appears to be bright and beautiful, exciting and lively, within one’s heart, loneliness pierces like a sword. What can be the solution for such a situation? One cannot find solutions to it by merely socializing, exercising or passing time meaninglessly. By finding pathetic excuses and encouraging self-pity one can only worsen the situation.

“Self help must precede help from others. Even for making certain of help from heaven, one has to help oneself.”    -Morarji Desai.

There is a vast difference in staying alone and being lonely, and feeling lonely amongst a family or crowd. It is not necessary that when a person stays alone he may feel lonely. Many great personalities have been staying alone. For them isolation is a necessity, to keep away from external distractions as it gives them happiness. It refines their mind and soul. It was while William Wordsworth was wandering alone in the woods that he got the inspiration to compose the poem      

“The Daffodils”, in which he described the mind as “that inward eye, which is the bliss of solitude.”

 People who are often living in big families have a different type of loneliness. Their loneliness is self created. They do not interact with people, surroundings, etc. Hence, their mind, their potential energy does not find any path of release. Activities related to personal interests, hobbies, anything that can give the mind a feeling of happiness and satisfaction can chase away loneliness. Running

to others with personal problems, gossiping and creating problems for others will only bounce back giving more problems to the self. Such a person can never be successful in finding solutions to their own problems.

        “Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interests wrinkles the soul.

         You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt.

         As young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear.

         As young as your hope, as old as your despair.

         So long as the heart receives the messages of beauty, hope, cheer and courage,

                               So long you are young.

         When your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism,

                               Then and only then, are you grown old.

          And then indeed you just fade away.    

                                                                         ­---------Douglas MacArthur.

By knowing the self, personal likes and dislikes, sharing, helping and meditating gives us ultimate bliss, the satisfaction. It may be in any form, being religious, being spiritual, meditating, painting, reading, writing, just anything that strengthens your will power, anything that facilitates the release of stagnated energy within, gives freedom from Loneliness.

                                    

Success and Failure

                                                                                                                              Toral Pradhan.

            Before Abraham Lincoln became the President of America, he stood for the Senator’s elections and failed twice. People and Politicians began to make satirical statements about him as the “unluckiest person with maximum failures”. When he failed for the third time, he left the office with a heavy heart. It was a dark night, raining heavily, the roads were slippery and full of mud. His mind was lamenting over his failures, at that moment his leg slipped and he was on the ground. Immediately he lifted himself and was steady again. He told himself, “It’s a slip and not a fall.”  The idea was that he was not ready to accept failure. He had not allowed the series of failures to affect his Determination to win.

            Those who accept failure whole heartedly can never be defeated in life. A lively person only takes failure as on more step forward.  When a creeper  comes  across obstacles it ties itself or winds itself around the object and  moves further, upwards When  flowing water finds obstacles in its way it diverts its flow but does not stop flowing.

            Success and failure are the two sides of the same coin.

            In human life the importance of failure is more than success. As Thomas Huxle  has said,

“The failures met in the initial stages of life have many social advantages. Those who  are not willing to accept failure, do not learn the important lessons of life.”

            To lead a successful life not only intelligence but the craving for knowledge, to learn new things, to meet new challenges, to keep pace with the times are also necessary. And above all the courage to face failures is required.

A well known Psychologist, Dr. Robert Macmurie has made a research in this field of human behaviour. He says that though some people are very smart and intelligent than the others they are always restless and cannot be steady in life. These type of people are never ready to accept their failure, they justify their failures by finding faults with others. They are not ready to change themselves with the time.

“The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out.”                         -Dee Hock.

             Only failures can pave ways for success. Failure makes one realize his drawbacks, his weaknesses. When a person realizes these, he does not get carried away by false flatter and criticism. Failure helps to recognize the self. A person  with determined self does not live upon false praise, but on his own powerful mental stability. Such  people are artists, authors, politicians. They are not affected by the circumstances around them.

Socrates did not leave the path of truth even though a bowl of poison was placed before him and his death was sure.

Such determination and self respect can only emerge from knowledge, and from knowledge comes faith. Faith in one’s  own self which makes a person more strong after every failure. Successful people teach their children how to be successful in life, but they do not teach them to take failures in their stride. Thus, man is always in search of  success. One who does not know to face failures  does not know anything in life. It is well said,

“There is something in human spirit, which is strengthened by disaster.”

               Success only brings false pride and egoism making a person weaker, whereas failure brings strength and confidence which takes  the person to ultimate heights of success where there is no place for pride. Unsuccessful people often build a protective wall around them. They are the noisy chaotic type of people. Though they are a Mr. Nobody they try to show that they are a Mr. V.I.P., but such people often  lose their identity  and  chaos simultaneously like the waves on the shores with motion and sound which subsides together living no trace of  it existence. Such people develop jealousy and bitterness in their lives. A successful person  develops qualities like humbleness, patience  and perseverance, that practical failures teach them. Therefore, it is said,

“Grace must come before Greatness.” Those who have paved their paths with failures  develop Grace naturally.

               The difference between success and failure is found in one’s attitudes towards setbacks, handicaps, discouragements and disappointing situations.

Some guidepoints to help turn defeat into victory are:

·        Study setbacks to pave your way to success. When you lose, learn  and then go to win the next time, the way  Abraham Lincoln did.

·        Have the courage to be your own constructive critic. Seek out your faults and weaknesses and then correct them. This will make you a professional in whatever field you work.

·        Stop blaming luck Luck is only a mindset. Find out what went wrong and why. Remember, blaming luck never takes anyone where he wants to go.

·        Blend persistence and experimentation. Stay with your goal, trying new approaches. Do not be a  rigid stone. Experiment and change yourself with the world.

·        There is good side to everything, in every situation. Find it. Make use of the good and discard the bad.

·        A Spiritual Law of Success is the Law of  Intention and Desire. Your body is not  separate from the body of the universe, because at quantum mechanical levels there are no well-defined  edges. It is your quality of  Willing and Intending, which will enable you to orchestrate an infinity of space-time events to bring about SUCCESS.