Relationships Unplugged

Relationships Unplugged.

 What is it we expect out of life?  Happiness, success and Peace.

 What is it that we regret to have in life? Failure, social obligations, poverty and unacceptance from family and peers.

 The connecting link that maintains equilibrium, stability in life, despite the expectations and regrets is “Relationships”.

 Relationships consolidate a person to a certain extent. It helps to overcome good and bad phases of life.

 Why then are relationships in the present times, so stretched, so strained that they break away so easily?

Human emotions are the strength of the soul. These emotions are felt and expressed only through relationships. Interactive social relationships are a rule of the society. The present age demands more of time, talent, and compatibility from man to survive.

The recent theories of relationships assert that, “Relationships form as a result of the interaction among the individual communicators within the cultural context of the societies in which they live”. May it be the relationships between father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife, or between siblings, in-laws or colleagues.

As Lettty Pogrebin says, “If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable – each segment distinct.”

If relationships are to form and persist, then the participants must provide one another with information about themselves. They should not try to trespass the individuality of the other partner. Each individual needs space to discover the self. When this space is provided, people react in a different manner with those around them. Their mind state remains calm and composed as they get time for relaxing and rejuvenating the mind. They can differentiate between good and bad, between wants and needs.

Relationship does not mean one can conquer over the other, but it means to co-operate, support and understand the other individual, without compromising on self-dignity. Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Then there will be no resentment against each other, either amongst the family or friends.

Relationships often suffer when people are too focused on money. In the present age money has overpowered all the other objectives and emotions of life. In the greed for money people forget their duties, responsibilities and concern for their near and dear ones.  Nothing matters as far as wealth is concerned. A child’s happiness, a fantasizing childhood that is being ruined, adolescent or youth perceptions, a woman’s dignity, humility, ambition or family unity, nothing at all matters. Material gain becomes the prime factor leaving the rest at stake. One should never forget that money, wealth, property are just fiction. It is a great mistake to let money make our decisions for us. Decisions should be made by people, for people. That maintains personal relationship. Even in the best relationships at times, bad phases occur when husbands and wives do not wish to talk to each other for fear of argument.  The reason for the tiff may be varied. Co-dependency, family politics, infidelity or jealousy. Each and every situation can be tackled if the spouses speak out the truth and let their partner clear their heart of their problems. Selfishness among spouses takes them away poles apart. Self-centered, egoistic, unconcerned attitude in a person, takes him away from maintaining family attachments. Their partners, children friends begin to drift away from them, avoid them, because relationships are built on trust, faith, attachment and concern for one another.

When elders in the family forget or neglect their duties and responsibilities of uniting the family, when their love, affection and sacrifice are biased, it is the children and the entire family who suffer the circumstances. Their childhood and youth are lost in uncertainty. The time they would have cherished for a lifetime, turns burdensome. They are lost between insecurity and unsatisfaction, worrying about their dark future. When every positive move or approach fails, due to negative responses from family and friends, it leads to frustration causing arrogance at times, mostly in the younger generation. It leads to change in behavior towards the elders. They feel frustrated and agitated for not being given the desired freedom, the joys of life. It hurts. They start drifting away from relationships and family bonds as they do not get satisfaction in those relationships. Such situation drives the person to other evils of society. Drugs, alcohol, a split personality—Schizophrenia, crime, etc. The simple reason for this condition is that they are not mentally capable of handling the contradictory situations. One thought goes one way the other goes the other way. Decision making becomes impossible, leaving the person in a complete chaotic state of mind. Peace of mind is therefore, the most essential thing in life, and relationships when they flourish in positive attitude, provide this peace of mind. It is the ultimate truth that man has tried to attain, but is not able to achieve due to his own selfish, negative, self-centered and irresponsible attitudes and unconcerned nature.

The modern society does not care to imbibe the moral values into their children. The values which are the foundation stones of relationships. They do not weave the thread of human qualities into their children’s characters. The reason may be circumstantial, with smaller families, single parenting, less knowledge of the cultural ethics, etc. We should know how to inherit the good qualities from our ancestors, as inheriting is also a culture. The seeds of good thoughts sow in the infant mind, grows into a tree of human character, which soothes and gives shade to all those who come near it.

“Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit”------Jawaharlal Nehru.

When the child grows into a powerful human character, he/she has the capability of handling the most adverse situations in more wise and practical way. He remains devoid of the evils of society and looks at life with optimism. Relationships have two aspects, positive and negative. When the inner self of an individual is strong, he finds a clear direction in life, has increased serenity, more patience and greater confidence. His relationships turn loving and lasting; he can communicate better and enjoy life to its fullest.

Communication is very important to maintain positive relationships, be it in the family, social, personal or platonic relationships. They all demand faithfulness and concern from both sides. A one way route of emotion do not let the relationships last. Though either of the person may try his best to overlook trifle matters, tolerate insults and bad behaviors, compromising and making adjustments. After a certain time period, that tolerance will break down, giving way to resentment. The woven thread of relationships will splinter into strained pieces, leaving the fabric of life tattered and torn. It will only give grief and solace to the individual, and family and friends.