Lonely Hearts

Lonely Hearts

“There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them.”

        Loneliness is one such difficulty faced by many people. It is the seed that sprouts into multitude of new problems and illusions. It ruins the happiness in one’s life. There is no other suffering as severe as loneliness. According to a Psychologist, 80% of his patients had different health problems originating from loneliness. Some took to drinking, some to drugs and others to gambling, to chase away loneliness. It is a state of mind that has no age bar, no circumstantial limitations or location needed. It can attack anyone, anywhere at anytime. People take up the evils of society to combat loneliness, to resist it or to run away from it.

         Different age groups face different isolating consequences,

·                    A child may feel lonely when neglected by the parents, when they do not give quality time to the child. When the friend circle in the school does not provide sufficient interaction and company. They feel left out, unwanted. Such children develop speech problems, chest pain, lack of concentration, etc. due to Psychological reasons.

·        Adolescents may be popular among their peers, but feel emotionally isolated as they feel there is no one to empathize with them. The causes may be various, examination stress, break up in relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends, family problems, etc. They develop suicidal tendencies trying to run away from the consequences.   Schools and colleges should teach children life skills and provide guidelines on how to handle freedom with responsibility, instead of curtailing their freedom. Teenage support groups should be set up, where the adolescents can share their issues and fears, which will help them to get a broader perspective of life.

·        Spouses are lonely with the modern live-in relationships. Men and Women in their 20’s and 30’s face the pangs of loneliness. With the new trend of being single, outdating the institution of marriage, inclination towards remaining single, results in major solitude. This trend will lead people to live a life in the middle and old age without a partner or children. With the increasing number of marriage breakups, divorces, live-in relationships, co-habitation that never lasts long, the problem of loneliness will only be aggravated.

·        For the old aged parents, the saying,

“One flew East and one flew West, but none flew over the Cuckoo’s nest.” reveals alarming truth in the urban India. The empty nest syndrome is striking the homes of thousands of parents, whose children live abroad. They feel neglected. All that they want is love, care and companionship, not the money and the weekly or monthly calls from their NRI children. Whether urban or rural, the old age group faces the same consequences, with people migrating in search of greener pastures, to gain fame and wealth.

      The easiest solution for these senior citizens is not to depend totally on their children. They should expand their relationships to relatives and friends, neighbors and social circles. The fact remains that children who once leave their nests, seldom return. Parents should learn to cope with this reality. And the reality is an empty nest, old memories and vain hope that someday their children will return. According to a Psychiatrist, these parents need to learn to disconnect with their children and connect with others. Share emotions, time and wealth with other people. Cultivate a curiosity to learn new things. And if you feel you are neglected, do not treat it like a closely guarded secret; instead talk about it to close friends. It will lighten the heart.

       Once an old lady wrote a letter to Dr. Billie Graham, saying that she had become old, her children had grown up and left the nest, in search of destiny, she was left all alone. She was feeling degraded and lonely. What should she do? Billie replied to her, “Till yesterday you spent all your time and strength, love and energy after your children, now spread your love in your neighborhood. There must be many children in your surrounding, who might need your help and understanding. Many old people who might need your company. Go and help those people.” After some days she wrote another letter to Dr.Graham, saying she had followed his advice. And that she realized that till now she was groping in darkness, now she is moving in enlightenment. Though she had fulfilled all her responsibilities her soul was yearning, longing for something. A long suppressed want that was not satisfied till date. Now she had discovered herself.

       Individuals, young or old, rich or poor, all fall victims to loneliness. Though the external world appears to be bright and beautiful, exciting and lively, within one’s heart, loneliness pierces like a sword. What can be the solution for such a situation? One cannot find solutions to it by merely socializing, exercising or passing time meaninglessly. By finding pathetic excuses and encouraging self-pity one can only worsen the situation.

“Self help must precede help from others. Even for making certain of help from heaven, one has to help oneself.”    -Morarji Desai.

There is a vast difference in staying alone and being lonely, and feeling lonely amongst a family or crowd. It is not necessary that when a person stays alone he may feel lonely. Many great personalities have been staying alone. For them isolation is a necessity, to keep away from external distractions as it gives them happiness. It refines their mind and soul. It was while William Wordsworth was wandering alone in the woods that he got the inspiration to compose the poem      

“The Daffodils”, in which he described the mind as “that inward eye, which is the bliss of solitude.”

 People who are often living in big families have a different type of loneliness. Their loneliness is self created. They do not interact with people, surroundings, etc. Hence, their mind, their potential energy does not find any path of release. Activities related to personal interests, hobbies, anything that can give the mind a feeling of happiness and satisfaction can chase away loneliness. Running

to others with personal problems, gossiping and creating problems for others will only bounce back giving more problems to the self. Such a person can never be successful in finding solutions to their own problems.

        “Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interests wrinkles the soul.

         You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt.

         As young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear.

         As young as your hope, as old as your despair.

         So long as the heart receives the messages of beauty, hope, cheer and courage,

                               So long you are young.

         When your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism,

                               Then and only then, are you grown old.

          And then indeed you just fade away.    

                                                                         ­---------Douglas MacArthur.

By knowing the self, personal likes and dislikes, sharing, helping and meditating gives us ultimate bliss, the satisfaction. It may be in any form, being religious, being spiritual, meditating, painting, reading, writing, just anything that strengthens your will power, anything that facilitates the release of stagnated energy within, gives freedom from Loneliness.