Habits Die Hard.

Habits die hard.

What is a habit? How does it form?

When an action is done repeatedly it forms into a habit. Habit is an established practice of doing something. It is a tendency to act in a particular way. Habits have a powerful effect on thoughts and actions. It can be called a second nature of individuals.

As is our nature difficult to change, so also are habits difficult to change. People generally think how and why did they develop certain habits that make them feel ashamed of  or when they unknowingly develop certain habits and get addicted to them.

Habits are not formed instantly. They are developed over a gradual process in a certain period of time, which begins either from childhood or from a phase of difficult period in life. People try to find solace or peace through these habits. The habits developed in childhood may be due to observation and emulation of their surrounding. Parents play a major role in forming habits in children. They may be physical or mental habits developed by imitating their elders. If elders are soft spoken and polite the child will imitate and learn the same, a rude loud behaviour will similarly be inculcated in the tender mind. Habits are highly influenced by the environment when the child is young. Similarly, a person in adolescence or mature age falls prey to the habit of drugs, alcohol, tranquilizers, etc. to avoid tension. But they do not realize that these habits are temporary alternatives as they give them an elated feeling for a limited period of time. In reality it only drags the person into addiction and deterioration of health. Forming good habits requires firm determination, whereas forming bad habits is quite easy and tempting. It is very difficult to get rid of bad habits once they are formed.

Habits come to us as slaves and stay back with us as Masters. They influence our character. Because character is a collection of habits. Good habits form good character, bad habits form bad character. It is well said,                             “Sow a thought, and reap an act,

 Sow an act and you reap a habit,

 Sow a habit and you reap a character,   

 Sow a character and you reap a destiny.”

When a child is not restricted from bad behavior, it develops into a habit. Telling lies, abusing, stealing, etc. these traits are not inborn, but they are developed with every passing day knowingly or unknowingly. When these traits are neglected or overlooked they form regular habits. When they become habits, they become ways of life. The individual finds nothing wrong in it. He tries and succeeds in every possible way to justify his lie, one leading to another. So also are the habits which comprise the entire behavioral pattern of a person. Curbing and controlling these habits can help to change the person. It can help to build a different character. But, as is known, changing habits is easier in the initial years, at the matured stage it requires determination and mental power. At the hyper stage it requires medical and psychoanalytic help to change them completely.

Psychotherapy has proved to be of great help to change mental habits as it treats the person after knowing the root cause of the habits formed. To discard the bad habits and adopt the good ones, to decide the future to be good or bad, everything depends on the inclination of a person. Whether it is towards a peaceful and blissful life or whether it is towards a life full of problems and distress.  When we try to find the solution, then the direction of life changes. If we complicate the problems then the complexities of life keep on multiplying infinitely.

One needs to reform attitudes, conduct and behaviour to be a better person because, according to a Chinese proverb, “There are two perfect men, one dead and the other unborn.”

       Anger is another habit that is difficult to control. It needs transformation of mental habits. Relaxation, concentration, meditation, etc. which teaches or tames the mind to keep cool and collected, to control the anger and to resist aggression. 

     Habits are of two types. Physical habits and Mental habits. Mental strength can help to overcome physical habits, but mental habits are much more difficult to control. The mind always helps to overcome physical tendencies that have developed over a long duration like smoking, drinking, etc. Whereas to overcome mental habits flexibility of mind is necessary or else one confronts great difficulties in life.                                            

     Plutonius has explained the thought in a very interesting way of how patience and perseverance helps to overcome habits. He said, “Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of statue that is to be made beautiful. He cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes thin line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work.”

     Thought habits are developed personally. They affect all the people around that person. Whether a lie or anger, whether stealing or cheating, these habits indirectly makes the surrounding dull and unhappy. It directly results in the person’s dissatisfaction over himself. His own behaviour makes him unable to gain peace of mind. After a certain period he becomes unaware of what he says or does. Unruly boasting, praising only himself, thinking himself to be the best and others to be worthless. All his actions make him totally self-centered. He can think of himself and only himself. He can go to any extent to justify himself. This becomes the ultimate goal of his life and he tries every possible way to maintain his ego.

      “From anger, delusion arises, and from delusion, bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost, one falls down again into the material pool.” -------- Bhagvad Gita. 

      Habits therefore are the stepping stones of ones entire character or life. The character which is formed by habits and that life which is lived by habits. These habits either ruin life or make it. It is here that we must pay our attention to know that habit formation has such an important role in life. It should not be overlooked while bringing up a child, when nurturing a family, in relationships and in society. Because habits form personalities.

       It is only due to the habits that kings have lost their kingdoms, rulers lost their reign. Rich have become poor and the poor have lived a pathetic life. Habits though a fundamental thing or quality can overturn life completely.

      To sustain habit for a lifetime or to curb it in time is only in ones own hands. No external body can help in overcoming it. The phrase, “Habits Die Hard” very well justifies it.

Education inevitable

Education Inevitable!

“Acquire knowledge. It enables its possessor to distinguish between right and wrong. It lights the way to heaven, it is our friend in desert, our society in solitude, our companion when friendless, it  guides us to happiness, it sustains us in misery, it is an ornament among friends and an armour against enemies.”                         ------- Prophet Mohammed.

     The question naturally arises, why do we educate our children?  But lately, this question has stopped arising in our minds. As we have become part of the rat race. It is said that education is inevitable in the present age and it is believed to be inevitable without understanding its basic meaning, its importance. It has made us to pester and nag our children and continuously torture them mentally in the name of education.

     What is education?

     It is a natural process of learning. When a child is born, he/she is not taught to cry, he does it on its own through natural impulse. As the child grows up uttering words that he hears around him. He learns them not by teaching but by the natural process of hearing and trying to imitate.

     A bird teaches its young one to fly, a lion teaches its cub to hunt for prey. But man is above all animals and therefore he has learnt to teach his offspring not only the tricks of survival but also the real values of life. Observations and grasping power gives the child the knowledge of innumerable things around him, emotions and actions. The process of imparting knowledge to children does not begin in the school, it starts from the very first year of the child. As he grows, it becomes the responsibility of the parents and the family to give the child, ‘the gospels of life.’ Those teachings that will mould his character and personality, that no school or university can give.  The academic education only adds layers of burden on the child’s shoulders. Simultaneously it becomes necessary to cope with this burden in order to survive in this competitive world. It is at home that they learn the qualities of patience, perseverance, determination, dedication and morality.

     Modern education has changed considerably from the ancient education systems. The teaching and learning process has become more of a monotonous task rather than a creative, motivating concept, which it should actually be. The colours of the rainbow are not seen in the sky but in the books.

“It is the supreme art of the teacher, to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.”                      ----- Albert Einstein.

     We never try to find an answer to the question, why do we educate our children? What is our motive? Is it status in society, proper upbringing of the child, source for future income, part of the wild run, what exactly is our intention? When we have the answer to this, we will have a clear picture of why we are educating our children. It will make us more considerate and will help in making our child’s future successful. Because that knowledge is superficial which remains only on the tongue. The intrinsic merit and value of knowledge is known when you act up to it. 

     Knowledge brings wisdom, patience, deep thinking and understanding power, broader outlook, without which human life lived in limitations and conservatism. Ignorance will curb his progress, his overall development and make him marginalized.  Education enables expression of thoughts, ideas and opinions. He will be able to differentiate between rational and irrational thoughts.

     For a capable society we need capable individuals. Education encourages change. Change is inevitable in modern times, to keep the self abreast of the surroundings. To learn to change is the highest form of gaining knowledge.

     To gain knowledge is to educate with this importance of change. And that is why we educate our children. We want them to walk with the time, to be compatible, to take day to day challenges with courage and be successful, to live a life of dreams that come true through hard work and knowledge.

This knowledge cannot be purchased from universities with money. Its breadth and depth can be acquired only by our efforts.

     Education is therefore, considered to be a lifetime process. Throughout life, individuals need to keep on learning different aspects of life. But the modern generation loses interest in learning in their youth. How can it be carried out for a lifetime? It is their weak foundation years of academic achievements that make them turn away from any and every type of learning. Life becomes a miserable burden for them.  As James Melosh has very well said,

“The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think.”

     The present academic systems have encouraged commercialization of education. Crèches, playschool, kindergarten, activity classes, primary, secondary, language classes-- English, French, German, Spanish, Arabic, Sanskrit. Exactly what? What the neighbour’s child learns? Which language? Which is in vogue with the society children? Is it French because it is in fashion, or is it Spanish because it appears more elite? The family background may be a Gujarati, Hindi, Marathi or any regional language, minus English. The plight of the child can only be imaginable. Hobby classes, sports, dance classes, martial arts, the list is inexhaustible. Secondary, graduation, masters, doctorate, the unending process for the mentally tired youth. One thing after the other. Where is the space and time to understand and absorb thoughts and ideas?

     A young mind is like is like a sponge that absorbs water. Thoughts sown in these tender minds will enable them to make decisions and solve problems in life. Due to loathsome tedious teaching in schools more and more students are dropping out of schools. Monotony has made children turn into human robots that work only on a given programme. No likes, dislikes, no thoughts, no feelings. We should not forget that education is culture that encourages continuous progress, enables man to reach greater heights.

     Studies without purpose makes a child irresponsible, confused and lacking concentration, losing confidence in the self.  Frequent failures make them aggressive, frustrated, stubborn and arrogant. The innocence and curiosity of a tender mind is no where to be found. 

     A happy, peaceful and encouraging environment with a positive attitude can help to bring up children in a better way with an affinity to gain knowledge. The golden rule for education is, “Do not teach, let them learn.”

As Oscar Wilde writes, “Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”

A parent needs to be a friend more than a father or a mother. At times they may even guide us, because we need to learn to live life the new way through them, as they are our future.

A future that no one has seen and no one knows the way.

As according to Khalil Gibran, “You can give your love to your child, not thoughts, because he has own thoughts,”

He further explains, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and He bends you with His might that his arrow may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

Solitude and Silence

Solitude and Silence.

“Truth it is that I have climbed the hills and walked in remote places. How could I have seen you, save from a great height or a great distance? How can one be indeed near unless he be far?” ---- It is what Khalil Gibran had to say when people criticized him for living in solitude for most part of his life. It is therefore that he still lives amongst our thoughts and words.

     Solitude has to be experienced to know how it feels, it can never be described in words. Its potential can never be known. By solitude we mean to get some time aside for a few days of retreat in quiet hilly places, on seaside, or just by being with the self. In the fast pacing world, hectic lifestyles, people get boiled down to the need to be left alone, they need space for themselves. They need to be with their own thoughts and emotions. Solitude takes you to a mood for introspection, it enables a more dispassionate outlook towards life. Because it is only when a person is alone that he can see his personal perspective towards life, as it is this time of solitude, when the inner voice takes charge of you. And it is this voice that never lets you down. It only guides and enriches you.

     Since ages men have moved away from the maddening crowds, into caves, islands, forests for respite from day to day distractions. To be by themselves, contemplating and understanding. It is only through these confinements that they came up with so much of substantial truths, philosophies of life, that their thoughts and words appear valuable even today.

     Therefore, the need is to go away from noise, commotion, from people, not physically but mentally. It can take you away from friction and turmoil, it can help you find answers to your questions and to be at peace.

     By solitude we mean loneliness. It is an essential factor in the urban lifestyles, where it becomes difficult for a person to find a moment or two to pass in solitude, in the company of the self. Only these moments can soothe the mind, make it peaceful, when the external distractions and workloads only fill up the day to such an extent that it leaves him totally drained out, exhausted. The quality of work suffers and leaves him unsatisfied. It is not the person’s attitude that changes towards his work, but it is the physical and mental exhaustion that causes lethargy and monotony in work. At such times few minutes in silence and solitude can act as a boon. It provides the mind with the desired solitude, relaxing and rejuvenating the mind. It feels refreshed and active again. Excess of noise and activity are the root cause of this state of disturbed mind. Man should learn to go slow, to make a halt in the rat race. As the poem says,

 “What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?”

     Although you have all the luxuries in life, it may appear to be a path of roses, without difficulties, problems, and then too the mind feels imprisoned. It lacks something. It needs freedom to be let loose, to be left alone, to roam as it wishes into boundless spaces, to places where it can find solace, to unknown frontiers and greater heights. Only to gain strength and efficiency. It means to be in solitude. To detach the self from the external world and be only by the self.

    Solitude makes the spirit soar. Solitude and silence help in achieving emotional balance, organize thoughts, reflect and introspect. To feel light and rejuvenated.

     Silence is energy giving. Emile Dickson has said,

“Saying nothing sometimes says the most.”

Silence connects you to the self. It takes you beyond speech and thought. It is the time you stay without the ego. Silence lets go fear, anxiety, and jealousy. It is well said in the Upanishads,   

“There is something beyond our mind which abides in silence. It is the supreme mystery beyond thoughts. Let one’s mind and one’s subtle body rest upon that and not rest upon anything else.”

     Speaking is more tolerable because it offers easy distractions from the inner turmoil. The stressed and the distressed people may be silent but they could be screaming inside. Speech is the vehicle for social transformation, whereas silence is the vehicle for individual transformation. Silence is as deep as eternity, whereas speech is as shallow as time. Silence can work wonders at times when words become futile.

     The younger generation is so accustomed to noisy, hectic life that for them solitude becomes a burden, a curse. They need constant company. They feel lost or abandoned when they are alone. The need of another person or the company of electronic gadgets gives them superficial happiness. Within them they have a void, an emptiness that disturbs them constantly. They cannot even think of living alone. They survive only on superficiality, illusion. Uniting with the self, seeking peace and solitude according to them are meant for the old and the ignorant people. They do not realize that this very solitude and silence can make their lives and mind calm, energetic and can also give the satisfaction in whatever they do. Satisfaction that they always crave for, satisfaction that they never seem to achieve and for which they are always chasing everything in life. They run after jobs, careers, partners, friends and relationships. But it all appears to them to be in a passing phase, as it is only their own self which is unable to halt, to rest at a place, at a relationship, at a certain stage of life. The disturbed mind does not allow the self to set the pace, to reflect on life, to retrospect as they are always on the run.

     This may be a reason why many youngsters today go wayward, losing their motives and goals in life. This may be the reason why many people of the developed countries have started deviating from the professional, hectic, luxurious lifestyles to simpler ones. More and more people all over the world are practicing meditation, yoga, etc. to achieve that peace. That knowledge of knowing the self, before trying to know the external world. That search for solace, for eternal bliss which is not meant only for spirituality, but also for worldly peace. That search for solace which only solitude and silence can provide.

As Mother Teresa has very well explained,

“We need to find god, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass grows in silence. See the stars, the moon, the sun, how they move in silence. We need silence to be able to touch the souls.”

Journey of Rediscovery

The Journey of Rediscovery.

Living is an art. A kind of skill, a technique. Few people understand it in the span of human history. The need is to learn and practice the technique of living. Knowledge trains you to think for yourself, to analyze, investigate and realize the quintessence of life.

With the onset of a new year, new concepts, new fashions, new lifestyles are unfolding to produce something unpredictable, something one had never ever thought of. The concept of age which has changed its meaning completely. According to a famous fashion designer, “Being 40 today is what 30 used to be, and 50 is the new 40.” Men in their 40s are echoing new lifestyles with extended adolescence, hedonism and well manicured manners. Women touching the Four-o have never looked better. It is a moment when age is redefined. The word “Middle-Age” has lost its meaning. The concept of growing old is only in the mind. At 40, one is personally more confident and knows where he/she is going in life. They are extending the 30s mentally, physically and emotionally.

We are moving towards a forever young, ageless society, which is made easier with the scientific advances made over the decade, to help slow down or mask the aging process. The psychological benefits of 40-going-on-30 are tremendous. People see the 40s as a new beginning, a second chance to live. People not only try to look young, but also like to feel young. A leading cosmetic surgeon in New Delhi reported 40 percent rise in the number of professional men and women opting for procedures in Liposuction, Rhinoplasty and Botox treatments. I to look younger. The use of gyms, spas and health clubs redefined the looks of the people. It is the age about always being open to explore new opportunities, may they be professional, social or emotional. There is nothing age-appropriate anymore. It is just about making the most of what you have.

Though the psychological state changes completely, life faces a somersault from incessant activity to enforced leisure. At this stage one needs to expand the size of the world in which they live. Life at this stage is at its matured state. But, it is essential that one matures gracefully with conscious effort. The raw innocence, the childish curiosity, arrogance and superficial attitudes are looked back as the thing of the past. A person becomes more practical and understands life better. At the same time life seems to be approaching the stagnating path. The fear of the years ahead haunts us, especially when we are idle, have nothing on hand to do. There is the fear of the unknown, the reluctance to break out of the moulded life we have lead till then. Even the small everyday changes appear burdensome and unsetting.

The irony here is that this very ‘process of change’ has the potential of combating age and enhancing the quality of one’s life. It leads to change the mindset, to a journey of rediscovery and self-growth.

Those who dare to accept change, call it a day break, a new dawn of opportunities when the usual burdens and responsibilities of life have been dealt with. They dare to learn new skills that make them more independent, embark on second careers and bring fulfillment to their otherwise blurred out life. As a Roman poet Ovid writes, “Everything flows onwards, All things are brought into being with a changing nature, the ages themselves glide by in constant movement.” Therefore, one needs to go with the flow.

One way of changing is by taking up the process of learning. Learning provides with an identity. Once this identity is realized, the need is to move beyond the self. Education is power and power should be your source of service. Education is the process of self-articulation. Educating does not mean only to achieve academic degrees, it is an upgradation process. It can be in any subject, hobby, social activity, religion, food technology, almost anything. The concept of adult education has revolutionized the society to an extent that even the rural areas are trying to run parallel to the external world.

The knowledge of computers, internet has opened up vast horizons for the homemakers. An increasing number of senior citizens are taking up to computers for a variety of reasons. Whether to pass time or as an alternative medium of communication, as a source of information or to gain a livelihood after retirement. People in their 60s, 70s and even 80s are taking up the challenge of learning new skills from scratch. And the internet connections have no match for the joy of escaping loneliness, for being able to be in touch with children, friends and relatives, and exploring the world sitting at home. Retired teachers and professors, who have spent their lifetime in teaching, are opting for graduation in their fields of interest, like learning foreign languages, psychology, nutrition, etc.  For them educating is satiating their thirst for knowledge, that could not be gained in earlier years due to circumstances.

One can be 60, yet young at heart. The only need is to live life with passion. There are seven attributes in life, to mature gracefully. They are hidden in the word ‘Passion’

P --- Stands for purpose, meaning in life.

A --- Stands for acceptance of the self, unconditionally.

S --- Is being sensitive to others, being supportive.

S --- Is sharing your joys, sorrows, challenges.

I ---  inclination to continuously discover, world and self.

O --- Omnipresence of faith in supernatural power.

N --- Negation of negativity.

One needs to focus on hope. Using time, experience, imagination when faced with challenges. Convert these challenges to opportunities.

“Every generation has the obligation to free men’s minds for a look at the new worlds, to look out from a higher plateau than the last generation. Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but by what your mind can imagine. Make your life count and the world will be a better place because you tried.”

------- Astronaut, Ellison Onizuka.

In the present time one needs to be alert and aware of the happenings around to acquire the maximum possible knowledge, to flow with the tide, to keep oneself abreast. A person with limited thoughts and knowledge, with negative approach   and unwillingness to change, will only be marginalized. His scope for progress will be curbed. Life has become techno-savvy and the need is to keep ourselves capable enough to cope with it.

The beginning of all BIG things is small. The story of two seeds laying side by side in the fertile spring soil explains the concept very well. The first seed said, “I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my sprouts through the earth’s crust above me. I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring, I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessings of the morning dew on my petals.” And so it grew.

The second seed said, “I am afraid, if I send my roots into the ground below, I don’t know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me, I may damage my delicate sprouts. What if I let my buds open and the snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, its much better for me to wait until it is safe.” And so it waited.

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.

The thought here is that those of us who refuse to rise and grow get swallowed up by life.

Growth is the food for the brain. New thoughts, new ideas, give a purpose to live. It motivates life once again, with a completely different and new perspective. Growth of mind does not need age, physical attributes. It needs just an open receptive mind. Age is only in the mind and the mind reflects it on the body. It is the time to reflect positively as

Peter F. Drucker says,

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action?”

Insecurity

Insecurity --- The In Thing.

Why do people feel insecure?

Among families, among crowds, amongst relationships? Is it a reality or a mental state that makesthe person fearful and anxious all the time. It is a riddle to be solved. Though many solutions and justifications are given about its cause and effect, it still remains as the most dreaded fear in many minds. 

Insecurity is the feeling that gives a sense of being left alone. One feels ignored, unhappy and pathetic. It is an accumulation of negative thoughts piled up over the years.  Not one but several factors contribute  to the development of insecurity in a person's mind. It is well said by Chogyam  Trungpa, "Uncertainity is related to distrust in yourself, feeling that you are inadequate to deal with that mystrious problem that is threatening you. There is no fear if you have a compassionate relationship with yourself, because then you kmow what you are doing."

If your purpose on earth is to love others, it certainly cannot be truely achieved that if you hide inside your own insecurities and do not love yourself. Hiding behind emotions or weaknesses will keep you away from growing into a person  you are meant to be. Understanding your purpose of life, your goals, ideas and dreams will be the first step in growing out of uncertainities and disillusions.. It will give confidence. Low self-worth, fear, mistrust and unbelief will keep you away from discovering the natural and true person that you are. Because fearful and insecure persons hide behind negative emotions and are always enveloped within a particular weakness in their life.

It is self confidence that can help you to know your way around yourself because it knows the "ins" and "outs" of your true being and so it can instinctively give your strength. From the stillness of the mind you find your path. It helps you to gently walk away from bad situations. Self-confidence runs deeper than your nerves. At moments of insecurity, you feel you need to talk to someone else, to lighten your heart, but insread it is more safe to talk to yourself. Because then your confidence and love within will help you overcome that insecurity. When you think that youbelohg to a certain group, or family, or relationships you feel you are safe. That is what every humanbeing yearns for, to be safe and secure in his/her surrounding.

Jealousy leads to insecurity. It might be one of the reasons in the breakup of relationships. Because every relationship should be based on trust. It is a mutual understanding between two partners, two friends. If there is no trust it leads to jealousy. As jealousy creeps in greater is the feeling of possession. To possess something or someone, it gives you a sense of happiness, assurance and certainity and we begin to cling to it. To think that you own may be a house, a pet animal, makes one happy, but to own a humanbeing makes one feel strong and contented. That you have someone to call your own, to fall back on in your hard times. Without this object of possession one feels lost. He feels he has nothing to call his own,  he feels hopelessly lost in a hopeful world.

When there is love in a relationship, jealousy cannot creep in. But when there is jealousy it means that the partners, friends, relatives are using each other for their own benefit, to be happy, to have a companion, not to feel lonely, you may not possess much but atleast you have a partner to be with, and life goes on in the form of compromise with life. Transparency in relationships is essential, It helps to open up and communicate with your partner. Jealousy to a certain extent is beneficial in maintaining relations, it can make you a better performer and can ignite relationships, can help in achieving goals be learning to perform better, and can give more pleasure, but high amount of jealous can only lead to destruction.

Possessive attitude towards partners is yet another major factor that brings in insecurity. When in love a person should not think that he/she is the sole owner of that person. Consider him/her  as an independent individual with likes and dislikes, with feelings and emotins, with a unique individuality. Do not try to dominate their life because you think that you love that person and hence are obliging him/her and have the authourity to possess her. Give and take space for each other. Loving does not mean possessing, as said by Hafiz. -----                                        "When I became a lover, I thought I had gained the Pearl of the Goal, foolish I did not know that this Pearl lies on the floor of an ocean which has innumerable waves to be encountered and great depths to be sounded."  Because when the object of possession becomes the object of mistrust or unhappiness, it brings in uncertainity of relationships. It ruins your life and makes you helpless. You feel pathetic and begin to find excuses to justify your condition.

Acceptance helps in keeping insecurity at bay. Life is another name for adversity. Without adversity one cannot survive. Viewing adversity as a change, not as a failure or loss, and accepting it in all forms, empowers the mind. Because change is inevitable. Any and every relationship can never be th same on the first day of its evolution and on the umpteenth day. Your relationship with your child will not be the same when the child is 5 years old and when he reaches 25 years of age. A newly married couple will maintain a decent relationship in their hay days but it wiil be different on their 25th wedding anniversary. There may be differences, grudges, love, emotions throughout the period of bonding. This change needs acceptance and understanding. The truth is that everything is impermanent. Everything within us, the internal being as well as everything external, whether they are feelings, thoughts or actions, all are in a constant state of flux, they are transient. Due to this the mind craves for permanency of relationships, for love, peace and security, which can last with them throughout life. And this fear of losing the permanent relationship brings the fear of insecurity. It is because the mind is always time-bound. It wants the things to be in a steady state. It relies much on the past or in the future, but it never lives in the present. It always contradicts the present situations. One should try to forget the past, no matter how cruel the past may have been, and learn to get up and make changes in life. Stop living in the past and live for the present moment. Live behind all the grudges, regrets and sorrows of the past and live a happy and abundant life.

Some people forge ahead despite difficulties, they win triumphantly and do not look back, while some find it difficult to move forward, because they do not have that ability to change with the time. It brings only depression, self pity and insecurity. Whether it may be health or other issues, loss of job, divorce or death in the family, one should try to navigate through change and accept it. These adverse situations are the inescapable indicators that make a person stronger, more insightful, each time he/she faces it.   As Winston Churchill once said,                                                                                       "Without measureless and perpetual uncertainity the drama of human life would be destroyed." 

Relationships can exist only when there is no fear because relationships can survive where there is understanding. And when there is no understanding, there arises the fear of sustaining the relationship, fear of past and future, fear of reward and punishment. Because fear exists in the conflicts of the opposites. Fear  is the uncertainity that searches for security. Learn to break free from your doubts and fears and be a happy, loving person you are. Once you learn who you are, you will be totally free to love others. With all the setbacks and insecurity, change drives a thought home, that there is only one true certainity in life and that is, that one must use his time wisely to make a conscious change  in his world and learn to accept it.

If your happiness lies in someone else's hands, then you are in for lots of trouble. Make happiness your prime factor. Learn to make yourself happy on your own, do not depend on others for it. Making your partner, friends, children, relatives responsible for your happiness and blaming them when you are not happy is the biggest mistake  in a relationship. When insecurity, fear, depression creeps into your life, devoid of happiness, you feel your life isn't working. Then it becomes necessary for you to make changes or see things differently. You need to maek difficult cho8ices, have painful uncomfortable discussions and make compromises But you definitely need to take the responsibility for your own level of happiness. No relationships can bring this to you. It is a very empowering insight, it helps in setting priorities in relationships and also proves your power and ability to make yourself  happy. By taking the responsibility for your happiness, you open the door for new type of relationships based on honesty, courage, responsibility and wisdom. It brings you satisfaction and a conditioned mind. The insecurity or uncertainity of life will turn away from you and it will transform your self into a more confident, more happy person. As St. Augustine explained, ---- "Wherever you turn there is uncertainity, only death is sure, but even the day of your death is uncertain."

When insecurity takes a dominant place in the mind, the person is diverted towards criminal or illegal activites. Immoral attitude, cheating, robbing, killing, being unfaithful, etc. People stray away from their true path and give in to unacceptable behaviour and activities. Partners and friends go to the extremes in hurting each other as the thought of insecurity eats into their soul. They become restless. They seek satisfaction from external sources. When a family is unable to provide emotional security the person can go to any and every extent to find that solace of belonging, caring and loving.  Insecurity curbed and diverted at the right time with patience and deep insight can bring a person out from untowards situations in life. It boosts your life for new achievements and heights.

By the Sea

By The Sea.

As always, the ocean, rivers and lakes, waterfalls, simply fascinate me.

Sitting at the Beach Restaurant, a cup of strong coffee and some snacks, I could not take my eyes off the breathtaking view. The white sand was blowing with the wind, the climate hot and humid. It was but a moment that transfixed me.

The sea was at its best with high tide. The water waves splashing the shore, spraying the beach with its salty water. The people swimming and enjoying with their families. It appeared as if the human world was uniting with nature.

The sky blue and clear. The sea with its greenish sparkling hue looked like crystal glass reflecting the sunlight.

The height of the sky, the depth of the sea, blending into eternity at the horizon. The sun going down from the sky into the depth of the water to rise again tomorrow.

Oh! How beautiful, how perfect, how eternal.

I was in complete awe of nature, because when the vastness of the sea, of the sky seeps into you, you can experience how bountiful nature is. There is the spirit that uplifts us to enjoy the beauty of nature. The spirit that unites you with the cosmos. It touches to the deepest core, makes you feel so complete, so one with God, so much in it and of it.

The enchanting beauty of the sea brings a thought to my mind. How can we ever think of destroying nature or disturbing it. That nature which gives us the ground below and the sky above to admire at. No matter what man achieves, he cannot be separated from Nature. Because nature alone is the survivor in all its different forms, it can only give you eternal bliss, make you aware of your own self, of your true self.

Sitting on the beach I wanted to reach out my hand to touch the beautiful sparkling waves, to feel them on my skin. As no words can describe it, no pages can be filled by that feel, for it is to be experienced, to be lost in it, to be one with it.

I was in complete awe of nature, of that perfection, no man can ever create. In the splendour of the sea, the sky, the vastness, the tranquility, the space which is ample for every soul on earth, the divinity.

Oh! I cannot express more.

The feeling is just plain ‘ECSTASY’

On the Cruise.

On The Cruise

It was a cloudy day. Hot and humid climate of Goa in the midst of April. The day was exhausting and so our decision to go on a cruise, over the Mandovi River was exhilarating, a pleasant relief from the scorching heat.

We took the 6.15 pm. ride. On boarding the vessel, we had the great experience of sailing over the water. As it is a usual habit to travel by road or rail. The overwhelming change brought us utmost pleasure.

The machine started and the vessel began to drift away from the shore. Slowly, majestically, heaving heavily, as if it was so delighted to go to the lap of the deep sea, its home. Where it found its warmth, peace. Where it really belonged and as if the shores were only for it to slog on. It made me feel as if the vessel was so much delighted to go into the waters.

As the cruise set to sail over the pristine waters, the passengers on the vessel began enjoying the music and dance on the deck, organized by the crew. Live music, orchestra, blowing sound along with traditional Portuguese dance, made the environment for true celebration. Shaking to the tunes, clapping, laughing, creating euphoria, that no one on board could resist. The old, the young, all full of joy.

Enjoyment on board and natural scenic beauty in the background, or rather all around set a complete atmosphere of happiness.

Oh! What a delightful experience.

Though there was a lot of noise all around, my love for nature and my fascination for the deep sea, kept me out of the entire bustle. Though I was enjoying the music, my subconscious mind experienced a strange serenity, absorbing the perfect beauty around. I felt as if I was alone on the cruise.

The deep, green, calm waters enchanted me so much. Oceans, seas, waterfronts always make me feel that I belong there. There between the silences, the calm, the peace. I stood at the edge of the deck and stared continuously below, noting each movement of the crests and the troughs, the direction of the waves, the lush green forests along the banks on both sides. As if in a trance, it made me go blank, dumbfounded. The picturesque view, the perfection of it all, imbibed into my soul, creating never ending impression on my heart. Nothing else around mattered to me at all. I was lost.

We clicked beautiful pictures of the lovely memorable spots, of other cruises sailing around, yachts, ancient landmarks, etc. to capture those lovely moments we were present there.

It was with my daughter that I had this great experience. And she too, quietly enjoyed the magic of it all, moving to the beats of the music.

What if it was only for an hour!

As the limited timing for each round brought us back to the shore. Those 60 mins. gifted us moments of eternal bliss, of infinity, of the presence of that perfection, that spiritual power around that can only mesmerize you.