Ideal Life Companion

Ideal Life – Companion.

     Helena Deutsch in her classical text, ‘Psychology of Women’ says that women are likely to be happiest when they are subordinating themselves in their men.

“They seem to be easily influence able and adopt themselves to their companions and understand them. They are the loveliest and the most unaggressive of helpmates and they want to remain in that role, they do not insist on their own rights-quite to the contrary.”

“They are always willing to renounce their own achievements without feeling that they are sacrificing anything, and they rejoice in the achievement of their companions _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. They have an extraordinary need of support when engaged in any activity directed outward.”

     Raising a family, rearing children, domestic work or small income jobs are definitely something to be proud of. But it should not be made our sole reason for living. In the present age though every women may have a family to fall back on. When she grows old, is widowed, who looks after her? Probably no one. With less finances, no social support and dwindling age, life becomes burdensome for her. Why?  Hadn’t she been an ideal life-companion? Hadn’t she performed her responsibilities and duties?

      “Each step towards healthy self-assertion is consciously or unconsciously resisted.” Says Dr. Symonds. “In relation to their innate abilities, too many women seem incapacitated, unable to realize their full potential.”

Why? What holds them back?

       “Fear.” Says Dr. Symonds.

Fear of what? And Why?

Fear of experiencing the anxiety of living their comfort zones. Since childhood women are taught to be dependent on a father, a husband or a son. They feel they cannot survive without a male companion in a society. So giving up those long built characteristics make them feel torn apart. The dependent pattern has become ingrained in their lives and thoughts and it makes them feel more feminine. The position of women though has changed in the past century, many have moved out of their houses for work and status, but the innate need of a support, of a person to depend on, to lean back on, has always been at the subconscious level.

This is mainly visible in the rural and semi-urban areas of India. Even in the metropolis, women hold good jobs,  positions, social status but that need for a support still remains whether they acknowledge it or not. They give up their entire life to be the ideal life-companion they seldom turn out to be in their male counterpart’s view.

     The requirement for women is not that they should leave their families or support system, their men or their finances, or deny being good companions. The requirement of the ages has been that every life should be lead with a purpose. In their myths for companionship they should not lose their own identities, their existence, and their uniqueness. Because every individual is unique and that uniqueness is given for a purpose. They should be able to control their inner conflicts and know to tackle them. They should know that they are capable and should disentangle themselves from the dependency trap. Being does not necessarily mean leaving back the social structure. It means to be mentally free to do whatever one wishes to do. This freedom gives life its purpose. It is necessary to know yourself, to love yourself, believe in yourself and that belief is the bottom of the spring that lets you spring free.

     Acknowledging and fulfilling the purpose will make life satisfactory, peaceful and worth living. Whether a widow, with low finances and no support system, old age or loneliness, it will give the courage to face and tackle every situation in life.

     “It is a tantamount to a kind of sickness, this blind spot we maintain- the inability (or refusal) to see the connection between false security we connect with being wives and the loneliness and poverty of older, widowed women. We want so desperately to believe that someone else will take care of us. We want so desperately to believe that we do not have to be responsible for our welfare. -----Collette Dowling.