HOW BLUE IS MY SAPPHIRE.
It was 6 am. I was standing in the balcony of my apartment on the 11th
floor. The cool morning breeze was so soothing and refreshing. The Sun still
below the horizon. The sky in its beautiful hues of blue-grey-golden yellow. A
picturesque sight that touches the heart. Just then a memory of my hometown
came up in a flash. The cool catchy weather reminded me of that day when my
friend Rita and I were getting ready for a morning walk. That day we were to go
to our new college. It was our first day. We were so excited. We returned from
the half an hour walk and were all set to go to college, impressively dressed
and so happy.
Just then the doorbell rang. It was the dudhwala on his regular time. I
was stunned as I opened the door.
‘Who are you? And what do you
want?’ I questioned directly at the
sight of an unknown person standing in my doorway.
‘I am your new dudhwala, Madam.’ He said.
But something about him disturbed me
immensely. I took the milk and shut the door. I got busy with my work as I had
to rush to office at 8 am. But his face, his body language, something about him
kept coming up in my mind again and again. Who was he I thought. Had I seen him
before? I could not recall.
My pet dog Shiney came to me wagging his tail, as he heard someone at
the door. I ignored him as I was lost in my thoughts, but he insisted and
pulled at my clothes. He wished to go out for a stroll. I realized it was his
time to go out. I took him out after sometime.
As I was passing by the gate, I saw the new dudhwala talking to another
strange person outside the compound wall.
That person I noticed was also someone I felt I had seen before.
My work at the office was hectic that day, but I felt even more
exhausted as something was disturbing me at the back of my mind. I could not
fathom it. As I was entering the
elevator suddenly I recalled the face of the dudhwala. It came up in a flash. A
face I had seen 20 years ago. Yes, I was sure it was the same face, though a
bit more matured. The face of a criminal, of a person who had taken two lives.
It was the face of Sanjay, the vagabond, the biggest rogue in college where
Rita and I had joined. The entire picture came up in my mind. And the other
person I saw talking to him in the morning was Junaid, his partner in all his
deeds.
How come they were here? What were they planning now? Did he recognize
me? Suddenly a series of questions, and fear started erupting in my mind.
I remembered it was our first day at college. Rita and I went with the
excitement of meeting new friends, teachers and a new environment. We looked
forward to that day since a long time. After about an hour of the introductory
class we started to go around the premises to explore the entire campus. It was
so beautiful. We were so happy. As we entered the second building of the
college, we saw that it was quite isolated and quiet. There were no students in
that wing. We felt it strange but thought that maybe as it was the first day so
there may be no classes there. We went on as we just wanted to have a look
around the campus. After a while we felt someone was following us, we turned
around but there was no one around. We were bit scared and decided to move out
of the building. Just then a creaky sound of a door came up. We turned to the
direction of the sound and moved little further to peep in. As we did so we
were terrified.
A chill ran down my spine. Rita too was shocked. There were four persons
in the room. Two of them were standing over the boys and forcing them to have
something. The boys were refusing, but the other two persons had guns in their
hands and were threatening them at gunpoint. We were just staring, dumbfounded.
As the person shifted a little, I could see that he had some sort of powder
packet, Drugs, in his hand, that he was forcing the boys to have. One of the
boys was bold and tried to kick them and suddenly the bullet went off through
his forehead. He died on the spot and the other fell unconscious with fear. He
was also beaten up on his head. The two persons with guns were Sanjay and
Junaid. They were running a drug racket in the college premises and forced the juniors
to have drugs to build up their business. I pulled at Rita and we quietly tried
to move away from there. But they heard our footsteps and ran after us. Luckily
a group of students was going towards the library and we joined the group. Sanjay and Junaid had heard our footsteps but
not seen us. They ran up to the library but could not detect us as we pretended
to be searching for some books with other students. Though we were trembling beneath.
We kept mum and were saved that day. Though we had witnessed the crime no one
knew about us.
The legal procedures went on. Both Sanjay and Junaid were caught by the
staff and teachers as they rushed to the room at the sound of the gun fire.
They did not get a chance to escape because they were searching for two persons
who had witnessed the crime and in the mean time other people from the college
gathered around. The boy, who was shot, died on the spot and the other was
badly injured on the head, he later went into coma. I would become upset at the thought of the
whole incident. Sanjay and Junaid were arrested and legal proceedings followed.
Their crime was proved as they were caught red handed with pistols. They were
sentenced to several years of imprisonment. There was no need for us to come
into the picture. We went to college for
three years with constant fear, pretending as if we were unaware of the things
happening around us. It affected me very badly. After completing graduation
Rita went abroad and I was married. But I settled in Pune, whereas my husband
stayed back in my hometown.
Sanjay and Junaid’s sudden appearance had disturbed me immensely. Did
they know that I was a witness to their crime? Were they here for some reason?
Had they recognized me? But they had never known or seen me to be present
there?
Questions upon questions, doubt and
fear gripped me. My mind was going berserk. I reached the 11th floor
and walked towards my apartment. I put the key to the door and surprisingly the
door opened itself. I was shocked. Who had entered my house without a key? As I
entered, I found Shiney grunting in a corner. He was bleeding profusely with a
deep cut on his stomach. What was happening? Why was the door open? Who could hurt Shiney so insanely? I tried to
save Shiney but within minutes he passed away. I went blank. What was happening
I could not understand. I called the security, but he was not present. I went
down the elevator to ask for help, but to my amazement, there was no on at the
security chamber. Sanjay and Junaid were sitting there and chatting. They said
the security had gone out for some work. I was scared. I could sense something
fishy. What were Sanjay and Junaid doing here at that hour? I said, ‘My dog is
hurt, can you please help me?’ They were more than willing to do so. I suddenly
remembered that when I left my apartment I had noticed, my bedroom door was
open, which I always closed while going out, and some splinters of wood were
lying there. Someone had tried to break open my cupboard but could not
succeed. I could immediately guess that
it must be the two of them who had tried to rob my home. And that Shiney must
have attacked them and they slit him. They must have been waiting for me to
come home. I became alert. I did not want to go up alone with them. I
immediately refused to go up and called the police and medical help. I was now
sure that they had not recognized me, but were here with another plan of
robbery. It gave me some relief. But their presence over there, their hurting
Shiney and the act of robbery terrified me.
After about an hour, things were settled. The police and the medical aid
came over. Shiney was taken away and later given a decent burial in my
presence. I felt lonely without him. I was scared to stay at home alone that
night knowing that Sanjay and Junaid were in the vicinity. As I returned home I
saw them being taken away by the police for attempt to robbery and hurting my
pet, and trespassing private property. A sense of relief came over me. I entered
my apartment and called over my friend Sunita. She was more than obliged to
come over and stay with me that night. I wept in her presence and narrated to
her the entire incident of the college and how the same persons were here after
years. I had recognized them. But something more, some strange feeling at the
back of my mind kept on disturbing me.
‘What is it Rekha?’ Sunita inquired.
She had known me since years and had
never seen me in such a condition before.
‘It’s OK, I understand Shiney’s loss is unbearable for you, but I feel
there is something more to it. Apart from your college incident, it seems there
is something you are hiding or running away from either yourself or from
accepting it. What is it? Feel free to share. Release your burden. You will
feel better.’ She said.
I kept quiet for some time. Not knowing what to say and whether to say
it at all. Would it make any sense?
It was around 1 am. There was no trace of sleep for either of us.
Shiney’s absence was haunting me. Sunita looked tired. I told her to go to
sleep, but she preferred accompanying me in the living room. After a period of
silence, I just began to pour my heart out.
‘That incident in the college had left us jilted. It had also saved us
from a major trouble by not being detected. No one knew about us being witness
to the crime. Rita went away abroad and there were no news from her ever since.
But I was unable to completely forget what I had seen at my subconscious level.
I would feel guilty at times. Not for protecting ourselves by being quiet, but
for not being able to help the other boy immediately as he was badly injured.
If he would have got immediate medical help, he wouldn’t have slipped into
coma. Wasn’t it our selfishness that led us to run away from the place to
protect ourselves instead of helping him? This question often disturbed me. I
felt guilty. Was it not our human responsibility?’
Sunita did not interrupt. I went on.
‘Perhaps that is why I chose to live
in this city, rather than living in my home town Rajasthan. After marriage I
took my transfer to this city. My husband Sumeet opposed it severely as he
could not give up his executive job and shift here. Years passed on, our
differences and separation led to divorce. I am here alone now. But that fear,
that guilt made me so arrogant that I sacrificed everything, even a good
marriage, to run away from that guilt and fear. I thought moving out of the
place would help me overcome it. And see it is brought back to me to face it.’
Sunita interrupted then, ‘Rekha, you
are wrong here. There is nothing to feel guilty about. Any sane person would
first think of protecting himself than helping others. You did the same. Come
out of it now. Release that guilt. You are safe. It is Ok. It was for your own
good or else they would have attacked you too. See Rita, has she ever looked
back and complained about it or allowed the incident to ruin her life? How
could you do that? You are at the prime of your career. How could you hang on
to the silly thought of guilt?
Today, I will tell you about a fact of
my life that nobody knows. I was physically and mentally tortured in an
orphanage where I grew up. I never let the supervisors have their way with me
and so they continuously harassed me. It led to my mental depression and
schizophrenia. But I never lost hope. Since then, my life has been affected due
to my schizophrenic condition. I kept on taking medical help and whatever I
could do to overcome it. Thankfully, today I am out of it. My husband Anand has
been really caring and helpful. All of us live with our past. All of us allow
it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that
is who I am. I am now the general
manager in my company, am earning well and enjoying my life. You too come out
of it. I have heard your husband also is still alone. He is waiting for you. Go
back to your hometown. Face your fear.
Don’t let such incidents change your life. These are fears we need to overcome.
Life is full of negatives and positives. Take the positive route fearlessly,
don’t run away from it. It will lead you nowhere.’
Her words were making sense. I felt better. We fell asleep on the sofa.
At 3 am, my phone rang. It was Sumeet.
Sunita had informed him
about the whole incident. He was concerned.
‘Come back Rekha. It is
Ok. We will try to make up for our differences. I am waiting for you. I still
love you.’ His words were ringing in my ears for long.
I took the 6 am train to Rajasthan.
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